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Band 6.5

Some people say History is one of the most important schoool subjects. Othert people think that, in todays world, subjects like Science and technolog are most important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #history #schoool #subjects #othert #todays #world #science #technolog
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It is thought by a selection of individuals that History is an utmost subject in schools
while
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 others believe that Science or technology-related are more remarkable. In
this
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 essay,
both
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 viewpoints will be outlined before reaching my opinion which is
both
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 of them have positive elements. On the one hand, it is a fact that learning History brings a number of benefits to the world and one of the most significant is that it helps us understand the past. To explain in greater detail, learners can compare
both
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 positive and negative aspects
from
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of
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 the past after studying them and adapting them to our society.
Furthermore
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, there are plenty of mysteries that await us to find and discover and
hence
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 by using related knowledge. An apt illustration of
this
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 is that after I learnt the way how bad high-rank people in China treat others, I tried to change my behaviour and have sympathy
to
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for
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 other individuals;
however
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, there were some things that needed to be studied more and
that is
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 about ways that our ancestors cultivate and survive harsh weather
,
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apply
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 so that we can use and adapt it in our communities. On the other side of the coin, it is undeniable that Science and Technology these days provide us with plenty of upsides and the most crucial one is that they improve our quality of life. To elaborate
further
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, there are many technologies that ease our lives
such
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 as smartphones, pencils, paper, etc.
Moreover
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, they help us to gain more knowledge about
both
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 living things and non-living things
as well as
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 relationships between everything around the world. To specifically demonstrate, my cousin now uses a number of technologies like smartphones and computers, to learn about animal behaviour and the relationship between creatures with the environment in those areas. All in all, History and Science subjects offer advantages to our society. From my perspective, we should allow our offspring to study
both
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 subjects as it provides them with tremendous knowledge which will be useful in their lives.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task response
You've presented a balanced discussion and provided your opinion, but try to make your conclusion a bit stronger by summarizing the main points more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Organize your points a bit more clearly by using more transition words and phrases to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Personal examples are good, but also consider adding some general or widely known examples.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction that outlines the perspectives and a conclusion that presents your own opinion.
task achievement
Your essay covers both viewpoints comprehensively and maintains a balanced discussion throughout.
relevant specific examples
Your use of personal examples makes your argument relatable and engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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