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Band 5

Some people regard eating meat as completely wrong. To what extent do you agree?

#people #meat
Nowadays, many
people
 choose to be vegan for their health or
due to
 their allergies.
However
, some
people
 think that consuming
meat
 is wrong. Personally, the statement is not sensible and agreeable because humans commonly eat
meat
 in their diet. There are reasons
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 support.
To begin
 with, it is normal for
people
 to eat
meat
 in their diet. Most proteins are obtained by eating
meat
, which helps maintain the muscle. Proteins
also
 give energy to consumers and repair the destroyed part of our bodies.
However
, some
people
 are allergic to some kinds of
meat
 because they do not have enzymes to digest.
Therefore
, eating
meat
 is alternative and optional to
people
 whether they will eat it or not.
On the contrary
,
protein
 can be found not only in
meat
 but
also
plants
Change preposition
in plants
show examples
.
Thus
, some
people
 may suggest that it may be better to eat
plants
instead
 of
meat
 because they
also
 give
protein
 and it takes less resources to grow these
plants
, which is good for the environment.
Nevertheless
, in fact, eating
plants
 is good
as well as
meat
, but these
plants
 might have to be imported from other countries which may consume a considerable amount of fuel to ship the products.
As a result
, it could be better if we eat the foods that are available in the location we are, whether they are
meat
 or
plants
. In conclusion, it is not sensible and logical to judge that eating is wrong.
Meat
 has many benefits
such
 as giving proteins which are good for muscle and health because they give us energy and repair our bodies.
However
,
people
 may suggest that
plants
also
 give
protein
, but there are a few types of
plants
 that contain
protein
.
In addition
, they may have to be imported from other countries.
Therefore
, it should be an individual choice for
people
 to
alter
Verb problem
decide
show examples
 whether they would eat it or not.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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task response
Your essay addresses the topic but lacks a clear stance on the issue. Make sure to present a clear opinion and support it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly defined. Make sure to introduce the topic and provide a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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