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Band 6

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibility
Some think that in most
people
’s lives the happiest moment
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 the time when they were
teenagers
while
 other
people
 think that, despite taking up more responsibilities, adult life is happier. I agree with the latter statement that,
although
teenagers
 generally do not need to worry about their
finances
,
adults
 can do everything they want legitimately. Most
people
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 teenage years do not need to take care of their
finances
.
That is
 because
teenagers
 are usually supported by their families financially, and their parents pay all kinds of expenses for them.
For example
, most parents in Hong Kong give their teenage children US$20 a week
pocket
Change preposition
in pocket
show examples
 money. Their parents
also
 buy new video games they want or they pay for tuition fees of interest classes. Despite the fact that most
people
 do not need to worry about their
finances
 when they were
teenagers
, I consider that, in spite of more responsibilities, adult life is happier because
adults
 can do legally whatever they want.
Adults
 can do anything they like as allowed by law. They can get married and have their own families, and they can create their own childhood joys. Of course,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults
 have greater responsibility as they need to support themselves and their families, and they need to take care of their spouses and children.
For instance
,
people
 work so hard to make a living and they are usually exhausted when they leave the office. But when they come home, their cheerful spouse and children are there to support them and they feel loved and cared for.
Therefore
, I think that there is more happiness in adult life. In conclusion,
although
teenagers
 generally do not need to worry about their
finances
,
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
adults
 are happier even though they have greater responsibility
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they can do anything they want legally.
Submitted by Melroy  on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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