IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It has been proposed that citizens should only consume food and drink products that have been produced in their own countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some argue that people should only eat
food
Use synonyms
 products and
beverages
Use synonyms
 that are manufactured domestically.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
this
Linking Words
 can help with
food
Use synonyms
 security and it can create job opportunities for its citizens.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, consuming foods and
beverages
Use synonyms
 that are manufactured locally can enhance the
food
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 security of the nation. Relying on domestically produced
food
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 ensures that the citizens have enough supply. They will not be affected when there is a disruption in the
food
Use synonyms
 supply in the world.
For example
Linking Words
, the war between Gaza and Israel made it impossible for producers to deliver
food
Use synonyms
 to the affected areas.
As a result
Linking Words
, it left millions of people hungry.
Thus
Linking Words
, implementing
this
Linking Words
 measure ensures that the supply of
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks in the country will be enough especially during critical times.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,
this
Linking Words
 can
increase
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 the employment rate. With
this
Linking Words
, the demand for domestic
food
Use synonyms
 products and
beverages
Use synonyms
 will
increase
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 can prompt the manufacturers to
increase
Use synonyms
 production as well.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will need additional manpower in order to maintain the supply in the community, which can
also
Linking Words
 lead to the possible construction of new facilities.
For instance
Linking Words
, the National
Food
Use synonyms
 Authority in the Philippines, are only getting their supply of rice from the local farmers. And
this
Linking Words
 has helped a lot of farmers in the country.
Thus
Linking Words
, if citizens will only patronize locally produced
food
Use synonyms
,
therefore
Linking Words
, more people will be employed and
this
Linking Words
 can lead to the growth of the economy. In conclusion, consuming
food
Use synonyms
 products and
beverages
Use synonyms
 that are produced locally has a significant benefit to the nation.
Thus
Linking Words
, it should be promoted because it can help with the
food
Use synonyms
 security of the nation and can
also
Linking Words
increase
Use synonyms
 the employment rate.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly relates to the overall essay question. The introduction should outline your position more succinctly, explaining why you agree or disagree.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas more naturally and make your argument flow better. Though some linking words are used, a greater variety could enhance the readability and cohesion of the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
To increase coherence, create a more balanced approach by briefly acknowledging the other side of the argument, even if to refute it. This gives your essay a more rounded perspective.
Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the essay question in your introduction and reiterate your main points in the conclusion for a more impactful statement.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments. While some examples are provided, more detailed and varied examples could strengthen your argument and demonstrate a wider understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Expand your ideas further. Aim to explore the implications, results, or hypothetical outcomes of your arguments to provide a deeper analysis and make your essay more insightful.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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