IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In the era of digitization, it is very convenient for many
people
Use synonyms
 to buy products with just a click of a button.
However
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, in many countries, it becomes entertainment rather than buying things that are really essential. I believe that it has harmful effects
such
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 as financial debt and increasing throw-away culture, and
this
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 will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs. The Internet has really changed the way customers are shopping in recent years.
Due to
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 the excessive choices, the populace buys goods that they may not really require at that point in time. Individuals usually do not hesitate to use their entire credit limit and drag themselves into financial instability. Amazon,
for example
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, has millions of products available with the buy now and pay later options which attracts customers to purchase unnecessary things even if they do not require them.
As a result
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, youngsters get into a trap of debt.
In addition
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, limitless shopping can encourage a throw-away culture in society. Nowadays, buying a new phone is not a need but a fashion because of a new trend going on. With every new model,
people
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 would like to exchange their handsets without thinking about their financial capacity.
For instance
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, India suffers from a hundred million electronic
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 waste every year because of
this
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 buy new and throw old culture. Ultimately, children
also
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 learn
this
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 poor spending habit from their parents, which could create a mess in the entire community.
To conclude
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, it is a well-known fact that technology has made
people
Use synonyms
's life very easy but it could be misused by many individuals. In my perspective,
people
Use synonyms
 should think wisely before spending their hard-earned money on unnecessary shopping
instead
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 they should instil a habit of long-term investing in stocks or mutual funds which can lead to financial freedom.

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task response
Your essay offers a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both the positive and negative aspects of shopping as entertainment. You effectively provide relevant examples to support your ideas. To further enhance your task response, consider addressing any potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a strong use of logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Additionally, you effectively use cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay. To further strengthen coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
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