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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is positive or negative development?

#people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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The question of whether to go to a medical
center
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centre
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 like a hospital when an individual is in need is worthy of debate. There are increasing concerns that many people hinder themselves from visiting formal doctors these days. I think trying to find alternative medicines and therapies
instead
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 of orthodox ways can trigger a number of negative effects on an ultimate health condition.
Firstly
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, history is replete with research which proves that medicine is the most elaborate and sophisticated discipline in the world. There are credible cumulative papers and clinical reports about the human body and the correct usage of medication and they
also
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 have been studied throughout the world until today. There is no use in doubting the expertise conducted under an impeccable condition and taking risks with unproven knowledge which can be adventurous and virulent to health.
Moreover
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, take cancer and diseases which require urgent treatment as examples. If you neglected cancer and just dismissed it as a trivial symptom, it is highly plausible that you would miss the golden time for the right treatment.
In addition
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, procrastination in acute diseases which need urgent responses like immediate surgery can cause a fatal implication to viability. The faster you find the illness the higher you can easily recover from the malady. To recapitulate, even if there are eclectic ways to deal with their health problems, patients have to see a doctor for their permanent well-being. Contemplating the new phases resulting from changes
such
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 as easy accessibility to medical services and a deluge of information plays a significant role in the prosperity of nations and organizations.
Submitted by rainbowlck on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the question, but could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the opposing viewpoint to enhance balance.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with examples or specific details to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Some ideas could be linked more effectively to ensure smooth transitions and a more cohesive structure.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing the disadvantages of choosing alternative medicines over visiting conventional doctors.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purpose of framing the essay and summarizing the main points.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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