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Band 6

Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others ,however,believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
In the
last
decade
Add a comma
,decade
show examples
 the number of crimes has increased fiercely
together with
 the punishments for different atrocities.
This
 essay will focus on evaluating peoples’ views on
this
 topic. It is often said that lawbreakers tend to commit crimes inasmuch as they are not utterly punished,without taking
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consideration the surroundings.
Moreover
,it is not a secret that a large number of delinquents,
offenders
Correct word choice
and offenders
show examples
, end up in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prison because of breaking the law
subsequently
 they get arrested.
Besides
,some of them committed felonies,
such
 as homicides,sexual assault,terrorism,animal cruelty,
kidnapping
Correct word choice
and kidnapping
show examples
 ,so they must be imprisoned for a long time and
hence
 in
extreme
Change the adjective
extremely
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 poor conditions.In
this
 way,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 criminals can not present any danger to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
consequently
Add a comma
,consequently
show examples
 the crime rate is expected to decrease. Notwithstanding the aspects and deep controversial opinions,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 history shows us some techniques of dealing with criminals;
for instance
,in Eastern Europe ,people accused of
crime
Add an article
a crime
show examples
 would be sentenced to death by
such
 means as burning alive,drowning,
beating
Correct word choice
and beating
show examples
 to death.In
this
 particular way,they could not present any danger to the society.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 type of punishment was abolished in 1983, a great part of volunteers,writers,
citizens
Correct word choice
and citizens
show examples
 around the world are currently thinking about the idea of bringing back
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty.Not only does it provide a definite way to prevent crimes and keep the world a safe place,but it
also
 leads to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 growth for the country,since the offenders are fed from the state budget
together with
 the medical care and other supplies provided.
Conversely
 ,some people are seldom imprisoned for a crime they didn’t commit ,
as a result
,they are prone to capital punishment regardless
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 innocence.
To sum up
 the message of the essay,people take different looks towards particular situations;
therefore
 ,it is better to prevent
than
Correct pronoun usage
them than
show examples
 to fight
against
Correct pronoun usage
themagainst
show examples
.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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