Childood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsilbility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?
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The increasing number of offspring are gaining
weight
as two third
of Australian Correct your spelling
thirds
children
face this
problem. I totally agree that children
's diet
should be controlled by school
staff and schools
are responsible for making children
active because schools
are able to force students
to bring their either daily or weekly diets and set some scores for those who have a balanced diet
and some exercise
classes
can be held to improve their amount of active time.
As schools
are likely to be students
' second homes schools
should be responsible for children
's obesity
. Encouraging children
to eat healthy food can be done by teachers by making a competitive area among classmates, leading them to be motivated and keep up a healthy lifestyle. Many offspring cannot be persuaded why they need to avoid obesity
, schools
can provide students
with some classes
about overall
health and how a normal weight
is important. For example
, in Iranian schools
students
have this
chance to take part in health classes
held by some related teacher in these classes
children
are usually asked to bring their weekly diet
and the most balanced diet
gets a positive mark. Thus
, engaging students
facing obesity
in a competitive area and setting a price for them can keep them motivated and help them to
achieve a normal Verb problem
apply
weight
or avoid getting fat.
Having yards or special gyms makes schools
responsible for monitoring how active their students
are. Although
parents are usually considered to be the responsible ones for monitoring offspring's exercise
, students
spend most of their time at school
so they cannot find enough time to work out after school
. Since schools
have this
opportunity to provide an appropriate atmosphere to force children
to do exercise
as homework or lessons students
take it more seriously and try harder in this
case. Students
at schools
can participate in school
matches and tutors can monitor them in this
way. Therefore
, schools
can control students
' activities via competitions and some homework for exercise
.
In conclusion, Obesity
is a common problem among all children
as a significant number of Australian children
face it. Schools
can play a considerable role in controlling students
' weight
because they can check their diet
and make sense of competition among children
to keep them motivated and also
schools
can make them workout
at homework and hold some sports matches.Correct your spelling
work out
Submitted by ghorabibita on
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Coherence
Organize paragraphs with clear topic sentences to enhance clarity.
Coherence
Clarify the introduction for a sharp presentation of your standpoint.
Task Response
Maintain focus on the main argument throughout the essay for a stronger impact.
Task Response
Effectively uses specific examples such as the Iranian school system to support arguments.
Coherence
The essay’s conclusion successfully summarizes the writer’s perspectives and proposed actions.
Coherence
Provides a structured argument with logical reasoning, supporting the central stance.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.