Childood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsilbility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

The increasing number of offspring are gaining
weight
as two
third
Correct your spelling
thirds
show examples
of Australian
children
face
this
problem. I totally agree that
children
's
diet
should be controlled by
school
staff and
schools
are responsible for making
children
active because
schools
are able to force
students
to bring their either daily or weekly diets and set some scores for those who have a balanced
diet
and some
exercise
classes
can be held to improve their amount of active time. As
schools
are likely to be
students
' second homes
schools
should be responsible for
children
's
obesity
. Encouraging
children
to eat healthy food can be done by teachers by making a competitive area among classmates, leading them to be motivated and keep up a healthy lifestyle. Many offspring cannot be persuaded why they need to avoid
obesity
,
schools
can provide
students
with some
classes
about
overall
health and how a normal
weight
is important.
For example
, in Iranian
schools
students
have
this
chance to take part in health
classes
held by some related teacher in these
classes
children
are usually asked to bring their weekly
diet
and the most balanced
diet
gets a positive mark.
Thus
, engaging
students
facing
obesity
in a competitive area and setting a price for them can keep them motivated and help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
achieve a normal
weight
or avoid getting fat. Having yards or special gyms makes
schools
responsible for monitoring how active their
students
are.
Although
parents are usually considered to be the responsible ones for monitoring offspring's
exercise
,
students
spend most of their time at
school
so they cannot find enough time to work out after
school
. Since
schools
have
this
opportunity to provide an appropriate atmosphere to force
children
to do
exercise
as homework or lessons
students
take it more seriously and try harder in
this
case.
Students
at
schools
can participate in
school
matches and tutors can monitor them in
this
way.
Therefore
,
schools
can control
students
' activities via competitions and some homework for
exercise
. In conclusion,
Obesity
is a common problem among all
children
as a significant number of Australian
children
face it.
Schools
can play a considerable role in controlling
students
'
weight
because they can check their
diet
and make sense of competition among
children
to keep them motivated and
also
schools
can make them
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
at homework and hold some sports matches.
Submitted by ghorabibita on

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Coherence
Organize paragraphs with clear topic sentences to enhance clarity.
Coherence
Clarify the introduction for a sharp presentation of your standpoint.
Task Response
Maintain focus on the main argument throughout the essay for a stronger impact.
Task Response
Effectively uses specific examples such as the Iranian school system to support arguments.
Coherence
The essay’s conclusion successfully summarizes the writer’s perspectives and proposed actions.
Coherence
Provides a structured argument with logical reasoning, supporting the central stance.

Word Count

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A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • monitor
  • responsibility
  • nutrition
  • physical activities
  • primary responsibility
  • complement
  • mandatory
  • limiting
  • availability
  • junk food
  • canteens
  • collaborative efforts
  • comprehensive approach
  • limitations
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