IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #people #governments #access #people’s #phone #records #messages #safety #information #permission
With the popularity of smartphones,
information
 security has been considered an important issue in many countries. Some people state that
governments
 have sufficient reasons to monitor and visit personal
phone
 call
information
 in order to ensure national safety. Diametrically opposed to
this
, some points think that
this
 could be able to violate individuals' privacy rights without any legal permit. I completely support the back view.
To begin
 with, there is no doubt that modern crimes are less likely to be carried out without the assistance of mobile phones. Once criminals use it to communicate with their partners, it will leave many important pieces of evidence and clues, which can be very useful for policemen.
For example
, a thief who stole a car has a good chance of contacting a buyer by a cell
phone
, If policemen can monitor his messages or
phone
 call records, it is easy to figure out the criminal.
Furthermore
,
this
 is a good deterrence to another individual who wants to commit any crime. Because without these communication facilities , they are less likely to succeed.
On the other hand
, the presence of smartphones is mainly for the convenience of human life. Most part of people use it for their studies, and work
as well as
information
 exchange for business, If
governments
 can visit any
information
 without legal permission, the privacy of individuals will be seriously violated .
In addition
, some potential risks
such
 as the abuse of personal
information
, which can cause
phone
 scams, etc. So,
governments
 must build the legal framework for
this
 area to make sure that individual rights can be protected. In conclusion, tracking the records of personal mobile phones can be used to avoid crime for safety.
However
, it is crucial for
governments
 to guarantee citizens' privacy.
Submitted by guojingchang0426 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Surveillance
  • Civil liberties
  • Oversight
  • Intrusion
  • National security
  • Counterterrorism
  • Wiretapping
  • Data encryption
  • Privacy rights
  • Authorized access
  • Judicial oversight
  • Illegal monitoring
  • Telecommunication data
  • Personal communications
  • Unwarranted intrusion
  • Transparency
  • Accountability
  • Civilian oversight
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