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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart above shows the number of homes built between 2000 and 2009 in two cities, Derby and Nottingham.

The chart above shows the number of homes built between 2000 and 2009 in two cities, Derby and Nottingham.
The bar chart gives information about how many
houses
Use synonyms
 were built each
year
Use synonyms
 in
Derby
Use synonyms
 and
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both figures for
houses
Use synonyms
 built in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 cities witnessed a great fluctuation and significant increase over the 9-
year
Use synonyms
 period.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Derby
Use synonyms
 had more
houses
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 which were built per
year
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 in comparison to
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 except for 2000, 2001 and 2007. In the beginning, the
figure
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 for
houses
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 constructed in
Derby
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 started at just over 45
while
Linking Words
Nottingham
Use synonyms
’s
figure
Use synonyms
 began at 50. After 3 years, an upward trend to more than 100 was seen in the number of newly built homes in
Derby
Use synonyms
 before remaining the same until 2006.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 witnessed a slight decrease to less than 30 in 2002
then
Linking Words
 fluctuating around 50.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for
houses
Use synonyms
 built in
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 hit the lowest point of nearly 10
houses
Use synonyms
 in 2006 and just over 10 in 2008.
However
Linking Words
, in 2007, there seems to be a reverse trend that shows more than 190
houses
Use synonyms
 were constructed in
Nottingham
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 compared with more than 100 in
Derby
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in the final
year
Use synonyms
, the number of
houses
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 constructed per
year
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 in
Derby
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 reached the highest point at approximately 350
houses
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 that
figure
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Nottingham
Use synonyms
 grew dramatically and finished at less than 100
houses
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words houses, year, derby, nottingham, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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