IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that children are having to much free time and this time should be use to study more. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#people #children #time #study
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Certain people believe that
children
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 have a lot of idle
time
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 and that
this
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time
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 is utilized for the study. In my opinion, I partially agree with the statement,
however
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, not only should they study during these times but
also
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 be encouraged to engage in other educational
games
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. The advantages of studying cannot be overemphasized.
This
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 is so important for the younger ones in the development of their minds.
Children
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 who are exposed early to reading and writing tasks, tend to independently read and write by the age of five years.
In addition
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, screen
time
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 should be intentionally reduced for these little ones as
this
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have
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has
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 more negative effects on their brains,
such
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 as short attention span and eye defects. Studying educational books and other
material
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materials
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 is an excellent way to keep them busy. Despite the benefits of studying mentioned above, the leisure
time
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 of
children
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 should
also
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 be filled with
mind building
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mind-building
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games
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such
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 as chess, monopoly and
scrabble
Capitalize word
Scrabble
show examples
games
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.
Moreso
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Moreover
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, participating in
such
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games
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 helps in the development of a child's critical thinking, problem-solving and relational skills.
Children
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 generally find these
games
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 challenging and exciting,
hence
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 they will always want to play them.
As a result
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, their free
time
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 is thoroughly utilized
while
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 they grow soft skills that are applicable to other areas of their lives.
To conclude
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, I partially agree with the school of thought that believes that the plenty of
time
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children
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 have should be used to study more.
This
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 is because there are other activities that these little ones can take part in aside from studying for a longer period.
Such
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 as building blocks, scrabble and chess.
This
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 will lead to the complete growth of the child's brain.
Submitted by oruhblessing on

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grammar
Ensure to maintain consistent verb tenses and agreement throughout the essay to improve clarity.
coherence
Fine-tune the transitions between ideas to make your arguments flow more naturally.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task response
The essay effectively covers both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.
organization
Good use of an introduction and conclusion to frame the argument clearly.
content depth
The inclusion of educational games as a counterpoint to studying adds depth to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • detrimental effects
  • mental well-being
  • life skills
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • empathy
  • physical development
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • unstructured play
  • cognitive development
  • academic performance
  • fatigue
  • motivation
  • quality over quantity
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • well-rounded personality
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