IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that in order to produce a happy society, it isnecessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earnings of the richest and poorest. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #isnecessary #difference #earnings
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It has always been argued that if the salary is similar of wealthy and destitute people, it creates happiness in society. I partially agree with
this
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 given statement and
this
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 essay shall shed light upon my perspective in the subsequent paragraphs
along with
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 a reasoned conclusion. Foremost, the fundamental reason behind my agreement is that when employees get almost the same income from their jobs, it will reduce the social gap between the richest and poorest individuals with the assistance of
this
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 they would work together for the improvement of their community.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by Harward University revealed that in Japan every personnel get equal amounts of salary in all fields
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has made
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 relationship among members of the community. Despite the way of equal sums of income to reduce the sadness it is not the only method, there is another way which makes society joyful. Once higher authorities provide facilities to their citizens which are useful for them
such
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 as transportation, medical and education, people may become happier and live a quality of life together.
For example
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, an article published by The Tribune newspaper showed that in Canada there is no discrimination between the richest and poorest people as they have their own rights.
To conclude
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,
although
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 it is a better way to eradicate the social gap between the needy and the wealthy, there is another method which makes society happy, if the amenities are provided by the law authorities.
Submitted by deepikanayyar1996 on

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Task Response
The essay provides a clear response to the task by partially agreeing with the statement and discussing both perspectives effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction sets up the essay well by stating the position and what will be discussed. The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. Each paragraph flows logically into the next, supporting the main points.
Task Response
Clear position and reasoning in response to the statement
Coherence and Cohesion
Effective structure with clear introduction and conclusion

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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