The graph shows the post-school qualifications

The pie charts indicate qualifications acquired by freshly graduated Canadian students for two age range groups. It is apparent that the most significant field of study held by young adults is Social Science and Arts

whereas

Linking Words

MBA is the minority course among the middle-aged

group

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

, a fifth of Canadian citizens between the ages 25 to 35 hold a

degree

Use synonyms

in Social Science and Arts

while

Linking Words

it is slightly higher for the older

group

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, Engineering fields portray the most distinct proportions between the two groups by a tenth.

Likewise

Linking Words

, unlike the younger

group

Use synonyms

with the 15th percentile of Education

degree

Use synonyms

holders, older citizens show a moderately lower percentage.

Moreover

Linking Words

, young Canadians with Science, Maths, and Computers degrees comprised 18%,

while

Linking Words

only a small percentage of the other

group

Use synonyms

with the same

degree

Use synonyms

. Apart from that, almost a fifth of the 515,600 Canadians are certified with a

degree

Use synonyms

in Administration whilst there is only 15% of the 213,400 senior citizens.

Besides

Linking Words

, it is noticeable that there is an insignificant gap between the number of

degree

Use synonyms

holders in Nursing and Humanities of the two groups. With regard to the remaining courses, the fraction of students varies by only 2%.

eimanasrinooh

Jul 22, 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words group, degree with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

198 words

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The graph shows the post-school qualifications

in spite of the advances in medicine, many people around the world still die of easily preventable. why is this the case? what can be done about this problem?

Topic: Some people think that people commit crime because of poverty and social problems, while others think it is because of their bad nature. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

You recently changed jobs, and you want to tell a person who you used to work with about your change of job. Write a letter to that person. In your letter: • describe your new job • explain whether you think it was a good idea to change jobs • suggest that you meet again soon.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development s other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Virtual reality should be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments. To what extent do you agree or disagree?