IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The graph shows the post-school qualifications

The graph shows the post-school qualifications
#post-school #qualifications
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts indicate qualifications acquired by freshly graduated Canadian students for two age range groups. It is apparent that the most significant field of study held by young adults is Social Science and Arts
whereas
Linking Words
 MBA is the minority course among the middle-aged
group
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a fifth of Canadian citizens between the ages 25 to 35 hold a
degree
Use synonyms
 in Social Science and Arts
while
Linking Words
 it is slightly higher for the older
group
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Engineering fields portray the most distinct proportions between the two groups by a tenth.
Likewise
Linking Words
, unlike the younger
group
Use synonyms
 with the 15th percentile of Education
degree
Use synonyms
 holders, older citizens show a moderately lower percentage.
Moreover
Linking Words
, young Canadians with Science, Maths, and Computers degrees comprised 18%,
while
Linking Words
 only a small percentage of the other
group
Use synonyms
 with the same
degree
Use synonyms
. Apart from that, almost a fifth of the 515,600 Canadians are certified with a
degree
Use synonyms
 in Administration whilst there is only 15% of the 213,400 senior citizens.
Besides
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that there is an insignificant gap between the number of
degree
Use synonyms
 holders in Nursing and Humanities of the two groups. With regard to the remaining courses, the fraction of students varies by only 2%.
Submitted by eimanasrinooh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words group, degree with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: