IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In today’s competitive world many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work while some say that children in these families benefit from additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents absence ?Do you agree or disagree?

#today’s #world #families #parents #work #say #children #benefit #income #lack #support #absence
The fierce competition in current society makes a significant number of
families
 consider full-time
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 to secure more resources for their kids.
Such
decision
Correct article usage
a decision
show examples
 has both benefits and drawbacks
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children’s development. Personally, I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the opinion that the extra income from working
parents
 is beneficial to their children’s academically.
However
, absent
parents
 are not good for youngsters because of the lack of
support
 emotionally.
To begin
 with, I
support
 that children can have advantages
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their academic performance with the additional income from their working
parents
. With more resources to be spent on employing tutors and interest classes, youngsters can have a competitive advantage over their peers.
For example
, a recent survey revealed that working
parents
 in Hong Kong spent around $5000 per month on tutor classes and extra-curricular activities. As both academic results and achievements in extra-curricular activities will be taken
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration when admitting to a good university, a child in these
families
 is more likely to have a better prospect
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 academic achievement.
Secondly
, I agree that one of the drawbacks of working
parents
families
 is that children cannot receive enough emotional
support
 from their
parents
.
For example
,
parents
 from rural China choose to work in cities and left their kids behind at home.
Due to
 separation,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adolescents do not have a good relationship with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 and are prone to emotional problems.
Parents
’ emotional
support
 and communication are essential to fostering a harmonious family. It plays a crucial role in children’s mental health. It is undeniable that
parents
 have made significant
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
show examples
 to provide a good environment for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 next generation.
To conclude
, in my opinion, youngsters raised in
working parent
Add a hyphen
working-parent
show examples
families
 can have access to better resources but they may have less emotional
support
 from their
parents
. I hope
parents
 can try their best in balancing the pros and cons of being working fathers and mothers.
Submitted by ponovil907 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: