IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In today’s competitive world many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work while some say that children in these families benefit from additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents absence ?Do you agree or disagree?

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The fierce competition in current society makes a significant number of
families
Use synonyms
 consider full-time
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 to secure more resources for their kids.
Such
Linking Words
decision
Correct article usage
a decision
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 has both benefits and drawbacks
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children’s development. Personally, I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the opinion that the extra income from working
parents
Use synonyms
 is beneficial to their children’s academically.
However
Linking Words
, absent
parents
Use synonyms
 are not good for youngsters because of the lack of
support
Use synonyms
 emotionally.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, I
support
Use synonyms
 that children can have advantages
on
Change preposition
in
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 their academic performance with the additional income from their working
parents
Use synonyms
. With more resources to be spent on employing tutors and interest classes, youngsters can have a competitive advantage over their peers.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent survey revealed that working
parents
Use synonyms
 in Hong Kong spent around $5000 per month on tutor classes and extra-curricular activities. As both academic results and achievements in extra-curricular activities will be taken
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration when admitting to a good university, a child in these
families
Use synonyms
 is more likely to have a better prospect
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 academic achievement.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I agree that one of the drawbacks of working
parents
Use synonyms
families
Use synonyms
 is that children cannot receive enough emotional
support
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
parents
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 from rural China choose to work in cities and left their kids behind at home.
Due to
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 separation,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adolescents do not have a good relationship with
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 and are prone to emotional problems.
Parents
Use synonyms
’ emotional
support
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 and communication are essential to fostering a harmonious family. It plays a crucial role in children’s mental health. It is undeniable that
parents
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 have made significant
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
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 to provide a good environment for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 next generation.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my opinion, youngsters raised in
working parent
Add a hyphen
working-parent
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families
Use synonyms
 can have access to better resources but they may have less emotional
support
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 from their
parents
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. I hope
parents
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 can try their best in balancing the pros and cons of being working fathers and mothers.

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