Doctors recommend that older people should get regular exercise. However many older people do not take enough exercise. What could be the reason for this? What can be done to encourage them to take exercise?
Doctors always recommend exercising especially for older people,
this
essay is about what are the reasons for not doing it and how to encourage them to exercise daily and be healthy and we will evaluate some of the major aspects.
Nowadays most old people get sick easily and many health problems occur to them such
as diabetes, weak bones, eyesight weakness and many more, these are some basic problems which can be avoided by doing normal exercise like walking, jogging or by doing stretching. But they don't want to do it because of weakness and laziness, they need the motivation to take a step or by treating them with something for encouragement.
Thus
to keep them motivated we, especially the young generation need to take a step to start exercising with them to keep them entertained and motivated and give them some treat for whatever they want for every milestone they cover also
it will make our lifestyle healthy by exercising regularly to and it will also
help us in our old age as the saying goes by "precautions are better than cure", this
will be a win-win situation.
To conclude
, a doctor's recommendation is also
important for older people it will give them a thought that they have to do it anyway, also
our young generation's small efforts can make a big change for them and also
for our future as well. Some awareness programs can be also
beneficial such
as walking or jogging campaigns which will encourage many peoples
.Fix the agreement mistake
people
Submitted by MK on
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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, albeit both could use improvement. The introduction is generic and doesn't provide a clear overview of the ideas you're going to discuss. The conclusion is directly relevant, however it could be more concise and more effectively summarise the key points.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task. Both reasons why older adults may not exercise and suggestions on how to encourage them to do so are discussed. However, clarity of ideas can be enhanced. For instance, the causes of insufficient amount of exercise among the elderly are only broadly outlined as 'weakness' and 'laziness', without a deeper exploration.
Task Achievement
While the level of specificity is decent, with examples used to support main points, the specificity could improve by further expanding on these examples and grounding them in real-world context. This would help to better illustrate your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear logical structure with paragraphs delineating different ideas. Nevertheless, ensure to vary linking phrases and transition words for coherence. Dependence on phrases like 'also' could lead the reader to feel the text is repetitive.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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