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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, an increasing number of young adults are deciding to apply for
work
Use synonyms
-based training over
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
. Some benefits include greater exposure to realistic industry-related tasks and quicker generation of income.
However
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 these benefits may be
initially
Linking Words
 felt, many high-school graduates can become extremely limited to just a specific handful of jobs,
due to
Linking Words
 the majority of industries these days requiring a minimum
education
Use synonyms
 of a bachelor's degree.
One
Use synonyms
 advantage that comes with early
work
Use synonyms
-based training is the greater exposure to real-life
work
Use synonyms
 experience. Many
university
Use synonyms
 students are often too occupied with their studies and school-related activities to simply have the time to look for
work
Use synonyms
 opportunities.
For instance
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, a business student may be eager to partake in
work
Use synonyms
 experience in a car company;
however
Linking Words
, she may find that in doing so, she will struggle with the extra pressure and stress in balancing her priorities.
Hence
Linking Words
, people who choose
work
Use synonyms
-based training immediately over
university
Use synonyms
 studies can gain the priceless insider knowledge from the direct interactions with their colleagues and supervisors.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another critical benefit is the faster income growth. Those who enrol in
work
Use synonyms
-based training can obtain salaries at a much earlier stage than
university
Use synonyms
 students. A result of
this
Linking Words
 is that many young adults can be on the quicker path to financial freedom or can confidently reduce their familial dependence for tuition fees and living costs.
However
Linking Words
, a crucial disadvantage to contemplate is the limited number of industries
one
Use synonyms
 would be able to
work
Use synonyms
 in. A large majority of high-paying industries,
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare and finance, require at least a bachelor's degree.
Hence
Linking Words
, choosing to forgo
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 will constrict the variety of places
one
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 could
work
Use synonyms
 in the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, society can be extremely condescending towards individuals with no higher
education
Use synonyms
. In many countries, a social stigma exists that a
university
Use synonyms
 degree is essential for a successful career.
This
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 can lead to many feeling ostracised and isolated from society, which can negatively affect mental and social health. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 I firmly believe that choosing not to pursue a
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial, it comes with many more risks, which are highly critical considerations for
one
Use synonyms
's future goals and mental health.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I do not think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

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positive
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion. You did well to mention both sides of the argument.
advice
Make sure to expand on your points with more specific examples. This will help to support your ideas better.
advice
Try to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using linking words can enhance cohesion.
advice
Make sure to include a clearer explanation of why the disadvantages are more important than the advantages in your conclusion.
positive
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the topic.
positive
Your points about real-life experience and fast income growth are relevant and strong.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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