IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic.What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, many visitors have become willing to travel to unknown places like the Sahara Desert or the Antarctic. There are both advantages and drawbacks to these types of exploration, and in
this
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 essay, I will discuss
this
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 matter. On one hand, movement to these
areas
Use synonyms
 can be a unique experience in an individual’s whole life. In the Sahara, watching the sky full of stars creates a peaceful atmosphere, and in
such
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 a place—free from distractions like mobile phones and the Internet—people can reflect on their past and plan for their future.
Although
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 being far from facilities may cause hardship, staying in
such
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 a calm place helps people relax.
Furthermore
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, in the Antarctic,
travelers
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travellers
show examples
 have the chance to learn about the animals living there. The eye-catching views,
such
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 as snow-covered mountains and wild animals, are another advantage. In my city, visiting
areas
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 with bad conditions has become very popular among young families who want to
make
Verb problem
have
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 a remarkable experience in their lives.
On the other hand
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, tours to these
areas
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 can lead to health problems and safety issues. Wild animals and snakes inhabit these regions, posing dangers to visitors. If a snake attacks a person, it can be a serious issue for the body because, in deprived
areas
Use synonyms
, there is usually no access to a hospital or doctor. Being in the Sahara under extremely high temperatures may threaten human life. Another problem is that
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 to these places requires special equipment,
such
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 as expensive clothing, which many people cannot afford. In conclusion,
although
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 these trips offer advantages like peaceful rest and spectacular views, in my opinion, the drawbacks—
such
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 as health risks and costly equipment—make them unreasonable for most people.

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task achievement
Try to give clearer examples and make sure each point is well explained. This will help your ideas be understood better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly links to the next. This will help your writing flow better and make it easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well defined.
task achievement
You have offered some interesting personal experiences and observations.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • unique ecosystems
  • sense of adventure
  • personal growth
  • indigenous cultures
  • environmental conservation
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • economically disadvantaged areas
  • physical health
  • harsh weather
  • difficult terrain
  • limited access to medical facilities
  • fragile ecosystems
  • habitat destruction
  • basic amenities
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