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Band 6

Walking is known to be beneficial for health yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reason for this? What can be done to tackle this problem?

#health #people #reason
Even though walking is beneficial for human health, a big group of the population world doesn't take
this
 advantage. Many things can be done by people but the question is: "Do they want it?". The majority of them prefer to use public transportation or their privet cars, for their daily programme. So in
this
 essay, I will outline what
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to
this
 cause and explain what factors can encourage people to increase their walking. To start with, the benefits of human wellness.
As a result
 of many types of research, walking is a full-body and mind medicine.
Firstly
, going for a walk in a park or on a beach gives oxygen to your brain, energy to your mind and soul and makes you think more clearly.
Secondly
, is an anti-stress way,
that is
 out there free of charge and with no harm to the environment. With a good walk in the morning, or even in the evening, people can enjoy
also
 a conversation with a friend or a family member.
However
, many communities don't have walking paths or parks, to inspire their members.
Although
, in our days, fewer and fewer take that advantage. For sure our busy daily routine is at the top of the disadvantages. Families wake up and start in a hurry, to be on time for school and work. After a long and difficult day, they return home for the evening preparation. Another reason is the crimes that take place at the parks. So, for many of us, walking comes at the bottom of our do-to list.
On the other hand
, there are some who prefer going to a secure environment of a gym
instead
 of walking out.
Last
 but not least, I strongly believe that the only thing we have to do for the best of our health is make a step towards walking. Finding a colleague, a friend or even our parents, make a weekly programme and start with half an hour of walking. If we do so, after a few weeks are going to be out of our minds not having that morning or evening walk.
Submitted by mayiou on

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task achievement
The essay does not fully address the task requirements and lacks relevant specific examples to support the main points. The ideas presented are somewhat clear but lack comprehensive development and may not fully convince the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat maintained, but the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The supporting main points need stronger clarity and development to improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
lexical resource
The lexical resource is fair, but there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary usage and variety. The essay would benefit from more sophisticated and precise word choices to enhance the quality of expression.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a fair grasp of grammar and sentence structure, but there are noticeable errors and inconsistencies. To improve the grammatical range, the writer should focus on accurate verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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