IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Average annual expenditure on cell phone national and international fixed-line services, 2001-2010

#expenditure #cell #phone #fixed-line #services
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The line chart illustrates the number of expenditures on three types of communication worldwide, namely cell phone
services
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, international
fixed-line
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services
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 and national
fixed-line
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services
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 over the period from 2001 to 2010. It can be clearly seen that people spent the largest amount of money on cell phone
services
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while
Linking Words
 the least amount of money was spent on international
fixed-line
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services
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. Starting at 200
dollars
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 in 2001,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cell phone
services
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has
Change the verb form
have
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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considerable
Change the word
considerably
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 spent when it reached 300
dollars
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 in 2002 and has a period of stability over 1
years
Change to a singular noun
year
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 before it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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soared growth from 300
dollars
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from
Change preposition
in
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 2002 to 600
dollars
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from
Change preposition
in
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 2007.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 means
this
Linking Words
 type of service was be used very popular throughout the whole world.
This
Linking Words
 growth has a period of stability to 2008 before rising
into
Change preposition
to
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 700
dollars
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 in 2009 and
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 peak of approximately 740
dollars
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 in 2010.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
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 the international
fixed-line
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services
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 have substantially risen from 260
dollars
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 to nearly 320
dollars
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 from 2001 to 2003, after that it has a mild fall to 300
dollars
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 in 2004 and
this
Linking Words
 decrease extends for 4 years,
then
Linking Words
 it has a bit upward to 310
dollars
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2009 and 2010.
In addition
Linking Words
, despite the national line-fixed service
started
Wrong verb form
starting
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 at 700
dollars
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 in 2001,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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this
Linking Words
 type of
Use synonyms
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
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 cannot avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being dropped
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 approximately 610
dollars
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 in 2002,
then
Linking Words
 it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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plumed over the next 7 years
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when it has been declined over 170
dollars
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 and it has only 440
dollars
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 in 2009 and stood at 400
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Submitted by huaishang90 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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