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Band 4

Average annual expenditure on cell phone national and international fixed-line services, 2001-2010

#expenditure #cell #phone #fixed-line #services
The line chart illustrates the number of expenditures on three types of communication worldwide, namely cell phone
services
, international
fixed-line
services
 and national
fixed-line
services
 over the period from 2001 to 2010. It can be clearly seen that people spent the largest amount of money on cell phone
services
while
 the least amount of money was spent on international
fixed-line
services
. Starting at 200
dollars
 in 2001,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cell phone
services
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
considerable
Change the word
considerably
show examples
 spent when it reached 300
dollars
 in 2002 and has a period of stability over 1
years
Change to a singular noun
year
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 before it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
soared growth from 300
dollars
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2002 to 600
dollars
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2007.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 means
this
 type of service was be used very popular throughout the whole world.
This
 growth has a period of stability to 2008 before rising
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 700
dollars
 in 2009 and
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak of approximately 740
dollars
 in 2010.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
show examples
 the international
fixed-line
services
 have substantially risen from 260
dollars
 to nearly 320
dollars
 from 2001 to 2003, after that it has a mild fall to 300
dollars
 in 2004 and
this
 decrease extends for 4 years,
then
 it has a bit upward to 310
dollars
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2009 and 2010.
In addition
, despite the national line-fixed service
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 at 700
dollars
 in 2001,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
 type of
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
 cannot avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being dropped
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 approximately 610
dollars
 in 2002,
then
 it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plumed over the next 7 years
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when it has been declined over 170
dollars
 and it has only 440
dollars
 in 2009 and stood at 400
dollars
 in 2010.
Submitted by huaishang90 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
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  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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