In the 20th century, contact between many different parts of the world has developed rapidly through air travel and telecommunications. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is quite common
these day
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
that contact between many different places in the
world
has developed rapidly by
air
travel
and telecommunications. It is my belief that the positive effect of
this
innovation could certainly offset its disadvantages. There are several
drawback
Change to a plural noun
drawbacks
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
development
of contact through
air
travel
and telecommunications. A common reason is the growth of crime.
This
is because
people
can easily connect with their gangs around the
world
by
telecommunication
in order to make
a
Change the article
an
show examples
evil plan. It is hard for
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
to monitor and prevent these gangs. Another reason is the
information
sercurity
Correct your spelling
security
risks. In fact, the loss of
information
security through
telecommunication
is increasing day by day
due to
the
development
of digital technology.
This
leads to a lot of personal
information
being leaked and affects many
people
's lives. Leaked
information
can be sold all over the
world
and is difficult to stop.
For example
, as reported
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
the US Government in 2020, there
was
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were
show examples
15.643
people
who
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
leaked their
information
through
telecommunication
. Their lives were turned upside down and 30% of them are stressed.
However
, in spite of these negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contact through
air
travel
and
telecommunication
can
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
about more
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
. One obvious
advantages
Change to a singular noun
advantage
show examples
is that economic
development
between parts of the
world
will have many
development
opportunities.
This
is because
people
can interact with each other more easily.
Therefore
, many commodity exchanges will take place, promoting the exchange of goods between countries. Another positive effect is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
educational and research
development
around the
world
. In fact,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
connectivity through
air
travel
and telecommunications creates opportunities for
information
exchange.
This
process can create many opportunities to contribute to the knowledge treasure worldwide.
For instance
,
according to
a report by The Times, the
development
of connectivity through
telecommunication
and
air
travel
contributes to 63% of the
development
of research on Covid-19 disease, helping to find the vaccine for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
the
development
of connectivity through
air
travel
and
telecommunication
can
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
many
disavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
, it is obvious that the benefits of
this
development
are more worthwhile than its possible dangers.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global trade
  • economic boost
  • cultural exchange
  • global peace
  • educational resources
  • carbon emissions
  • environmental degradation
  • social isolation
  • economic inequality
  • technological dependence
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