IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8.5

Some people think that shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that has scientifically been proved to have bad effects on people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#people #shops #food #drink #effects #health #disagree？
In
this
 day and age, there are irrefutable debates about the health of meals and drinks. Some folks believe that the government should check the quality of food and stop buying any harmful food in supermarkets. In my opinion,
this
 program is of vital importance to society, and my reasons will be elaborated in the following paragraphs.
First,
the aforementioned methods of preventing the purchase of unhealthy beverages lead to improved eating habits.
In other words
, the more men didn't see simple dishes, the more they curbed their tendency to eat unhealthily.
Additionally
, the public will no longer face nutrition-related illnesses. A recent study conducted by the University of Tehran is a good example of
this
 problem. It clearly shows that the production process of snacks directly affects people's well-being.
Therefore
, the beneficial role of barriers in controlling the interests of the people cannot be ignored.
In addition
, the government has a responsibility to solve medical problems. Obesity,
therefore
, stems from poor eating habits that lead to a host of disease-related costs.
On the other hand
, the health of employees motivates them to increase their ability to function effectively.
For example
,
according to
 official statistics submitted by France for 2022, the productivity of fat workers has declined.
Therefore
, physical and mental health have a critical impact on the prospects for economic prosperity. In conclusion,
while
 government regulations may not be the best option for reducing the lavish demand for junk food, I firmly believe that legal barriers can have incredible consequences for reducing harmful bias.
Submitted by 2083749065 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: