IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Employers should give their workers at least one month of holiday a year as it makes them do better at their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#employers #workers #month #holiday #year #job
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It is argued that employees should be given at least one month of
holiday
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 on a yearly basis in order to encourage them to
work
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 more effectively. In my opinion, I totally disagree with
this
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 view on account of some reasons below. First of all, a long vacation can make
people
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 find it more difficult to resume their
work
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. To be more specific, workers are likely to be lazy and unmotivated to start
to
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apply
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work
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 again after a long period of immersing themselves in enjoying the relaxation and excitement in their lives.
This
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 can be exemplified by the case of Vietnamese
people
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 who can have a two-week
holiday
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 on the occasion of traditional Tet. The lively and bustling atmosphere of Tet can affect
people
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’s emotions, making them bored and frustrated when getting back to
offices
Correct article usage
the offices
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.
In other words
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, giving a long vacation
for
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to
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 employees can leave negative implications for
work
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 productivity and the companies’ revenue
in particular
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 and the national economy which can be disrupted in general.
However
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, some
people
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 hold an argument that workers can take a rest and escape from
work
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 pressure, giving them a good opportunity to refresh and
work
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 with more positive energy and
attitudes
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attitude
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. Having said that, I am still convinced that one month of
holiday
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 every year may be too long, and it puts
people
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 under stress from financial burden
instead
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 of relaxation.
In particular
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,
people
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 may not make money to cover their bills in a month when they have days off since very few businesses are willing to give rewards or pay
salary
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salaries
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 for employees on
holiday
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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, especially those who have average or low income will struggle to earn money to survive through a long vacation. In conclusion, having a
holiday
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 is essential for workers to rest and recharge their batteries to perform better in their jobs, yet I strongly believe that a one-month
holiday
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 is unjustifiable
due to
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 the aforementioned reasons.
Submitted by Uyen Dinh on

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task achievement
The essay would benefit from a more balanced discussion. While you have articulated the reasons for your disagreement well, it might be helpful to acknowledge the other side of the argument in a bit more detail before refuting it.
task achievement
Consider expanding on your examples and providing a bit more variety in your examples to fully address the topic's complexity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea for better clarity and flow.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly outlines your position and sets up the essay effectively.
logical structure
The essay is well-organized into paragraphs with clear central ideas in each paragraph.
supported main points
You provide relevant and specific examples that effectively support your main points.
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