IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

#countries #women #people #income #security #marriage
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Nowadays females
do
Verb problem
are
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 not
require
Wrong verb form
required
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 to marry and prefer to remain unmarried, so
according to
Linking Words
 some, since
women
Use synonyms
 become financially independent, the tendency to get married for financial support has decreased. Despite
this
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, I do not agree that the rate of
marriage
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 has fallen
due to
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women
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's financial security. A good reason for a decreased rate of
marriage
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 is that young adults can not find their true soulmates.
In other words
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 ,
marriage
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 is a beautiful relationship between two souls and
thus
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 sharing their emotions or feeling with each other plays a more important role than the financial aspects of life. Since it has become so challenging these days to find a person who has mutual interests with them, the female young generations prefer to stay single. Taking Iran as an example, for religious families, it is
so
Rephrase
apply
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vital to find a husband for their daughters who follow the same traditions more than monetary reasons. Another point to consider is that the decreased prevalence of
marriage
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 would be a result of higher education among
women
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. At present, because of liberalization , a majority of
women
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 continue their
further
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 education and get higher positions in society.
Although
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 they earn brilliant incomes
due to
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 their university education, finding a soulmate who has the same degree as them is essential for them. If a man is not well-educated and does not have the same social status as a woman, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 not lead a long-lasting relationship.
For example
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, numerous educated girls in Iran prefer to marry a man with a
PHD
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Ph.D.
 degree
although
Linking Words
 he is poor. In conclusion, the need
of getting
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to get
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 married among females has plummeted and their tendency to remain single has soared
due to
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 the lack of mutual interests and educational levels between them , which are more vital than the financial independence of
women
Use synonyms
Submitted by parismasoumzadeh7495 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay directly answers the question by discussing the reasons for the decreased rate of marriage and specifically addressing the role of women's financial independence.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, consider linking ideas within paragraphs more effectively to enhance coherence.
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