Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others claim that they should have freedom to choose their favourite activities. Discuss both views and present your opinion

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #favourite #activities

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In contemporary communities, there are plenty of risky games that need special requirements. People arguably assume

that is

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one of the dangerous activities which should be banned by the authorities,

while

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others think it is not. In

this

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essay, I will explain both of my views in these cases. Society presumably agrees that vicious games like parasailing, skydiving, etc are conducting unhealthy exercises that can cause superficial or regular problems to the body's health. As far as I'm concerned, those mentioned sports require some sophisticated instruments.

For instance

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, parasailing and skydiving predominantly use engines to make them fly higher and

then

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people jump or fly into the sky. Some individuals disagree with the sport because it frequently failures like fractured bones, hypothermia, and heart attack, which can lead to death.

As a result

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, the sports communities massively pushed the government to look up the issues for important matters. Despite the arguments above, another high adrenaline junkier of extreme activities,

on the other hand

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, refuses to ban the sport because it does not supporting to the freely democratic expression.

Moreover

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, the groups said that it only needs to attribute higher safety for both the participators and organizations to minimalism any

further

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dangers in the long term.

Additionally

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, the participants of these physical exercises should be adolescents and without some health concerns,

whereas

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those under age are prohibited from joining.

However

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, it

also

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takes enormous amounts to prepare equipment, which not everyone can enjoy as well. In my opinion, I agree with

this

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sort of solution to dismiss more fatal injuries in the future, and I think it is a win-win solution.

To conclude

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, in my perspective, both groups of physical activity are aiming to prevent numerous fatality rates that happen rather than closing the sports,

while

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there are still some discussions to avoid contrast in the future.

Submitted by wulandarianggieta on Sat Mar 23 2024

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task achievement

Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. While you've introduced the topic, clarifying your own perspective upfront would strengthen your introduction.

coherence cohesion

Work on developing your paragraphs with clearer topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument. This improves coherence by making your essay easier to follow.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to back up your points. While you touch upon important concepts, detailing real-life instances or statistics would make your arguments more compelling.

task achievement

Conclude your essay by summarizing your main points and restating your opinion. Your conclusion should clearly signal to the reader that you've fully addressed the essay prompt.

coherence cohesion

Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas through better use of linking words and phrases. This will enhance the flow of your essay, making it more cohesive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Some people believe that governments should ban dangerous sports. Others claim that they should have freedom to choose their favourite activities. Discuss both views and present your opinion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work. Schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extend do you agree?