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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, teenagers are being encouraged to do part-time jobs. Some people think it is a positive development while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Teenagers in some countries are encouraged to take up part-time jobs, causing some public controversy.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 some might disagree with
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 its potential drawbacks, I believe that it is offering broad-based benefits for young people. There are several reasons why a teenager should not do a part-time job.
First,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

since working part-time may take up a great amount of time, students' academic performance would be impaired. In fact, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are

It seems that the verb is does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 a number of intense university courses requiring high volumes of homework and self-study, and students would fail these programs if they spend too much time working.
Second,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

having a part-time job
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 studying may be harmful to teenagers' health and mental wellness.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
very
Correct word choice
apply

There may be an adjective issue here.

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lack of a recovery period makes a student susceptible to stress, which can potentially lead to other health issues
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as heart disease and stroke.
Nevertheless
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I would argue that taking up a part-time job can be beneficial in many different ways. Since employers today need more sophisticated skills that are not taught in school, students would have to learn and practice these skills in their part-time jobs.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a young person can learn how to communicate his or her ideas effectively and work
together with
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 others from diverse backgrounds thanks to simply being a waitress or a waiter in a restaurant.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, by working part-time, they can have an opportunity to develop their gratitude towards their parents. Realizing that earning money requires hard work would propel young people to diligently utilize the investment in education their parents make for them
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of taking it for granted, which can result in higher learning scores. In short, both views can be reasonable to a certain extent.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I believe that the advantages of teenagers taking up part-time jobs can be more significant since they can build on-the-job experiences and important skills that are essential for their future working lives.

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task response
Ensure that all points raised are directly related to the prompt and provide a balanced view on the topic. Make sure to clearly address the advantages and disadvantages of teenagers taking up part-time jobs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices and logical sequencing of ideas. Keep using linking words and cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion.
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