IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people believe world poverty can be solved by the governments of rich countries giving large amounts of money to the governments of poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? -> Opinion essay

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, solving world
poverty
Use synonyms
 has become a highly prioritized mission all around the world.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that
this
Linking Words
 issue can be handled if wealthy nations transfer huge amounts of money to third-world countries, I believe that it would not solve the problem, and the following essay is going to strengthen my points. There are a plethora of reasons for
poverty
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, the most prominent reason is that many nations lack the technology. To put it in simple terms,
although
Linking Words
 many countries around the world have a huge reserve of natural resources, their technology is not advanced enough to exploit minerals that lay deep underground.
For example
Linking Words
, Africa is known to be a rich continent with huge amounts of valuable minerals,
however
Linking Words
, most nations in
this
Linking Words
 continent are still considered third-world countries because they do not yet possess machines that are suitable for exploitation.
Moreover
Linking Words
, lack of education is
also
Linking Words
 a main factor leading to
poverty
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because an improper educational system would not motivate people to improve the situation, and only focus on satisfying short-term goals.
For instance
Linking Words
, most people in Africa would prioritize farming because
that is
Linking Words
 the easiest way for them to make a living.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a country could not improve its financial status if its infrastructure is not constructed properly, as
this
Linking Words
 would prevent trading and other commercial activities.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least,
poverty
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 constituted by several other factors
such
Linking Words
 as religion, civil unrest, and lacking access to clean water. In conclusion, I believe that government funds from rich regions will not be able to solve
poverty
Use synonyms
 in poorer regions permanently since the root of
this
Linking Words
 issue comes from the poor quality of the educational system and lack the access to modern technology.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear standpoint on the issue. However, consider expanding on how the proposed solutions, such as improving technology and education, can be realistically implemented by rich countries to assist poorer nations.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence between paragraphs by using more transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next. This will help maintain the logical flow of your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the stage for discussing the issue by presenting a clear opinion on the topic.
supported main points
Each main point is supported with specific examples which help to explain the arguments presented, such as the example of Africa's natural resources and technological limitations.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion restates the main argument and highlights the key reasons behind poverty, summarizing the essay well.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: