IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
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Choosing the desired university from your country has a chance of being troubling because of the option of staying at home, or moving to another city for a different university.
While
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 in some places one option outweighs the other, the advantages and disadvantages are important factors to consider. Living away may open many new possibilities,
although
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 leaving your house behind could be hard. Moving to another city would give new chances to explore and a fresh start
of
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to
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 independence. Exploring a different place could open your eyes to things that can help in
discovering
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discover
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 different aspects of your life. Being alone in a fresh world would
also
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 develop independence, from learning to live in solitude to even meeting new people.
For example
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, students living on their own must budget for rent, food, and other necessities, a challenge that teaches important life skills. It can be troubling to leave behind the place where family members and many memories live. Staying in the vicinity of your friends and family would help emotionally to battle out the possible stress of university. An emotional strain could negatively impact their academic performance.
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, having a friend or any close relatives be of help for you in a tricky situation should be appreciated. In conclusion,
while
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 living away from home provides opportunities for personal growth and social development, it
also
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 comes with emotional challenges. In my opinion, the independence and skills gained from moving away from home are worth the temporary difficulties, as they better prepare students for life after graduation.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from a clearer and more direct thesis statement in the introduction. This would provide a stronger foundation for your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence to enhance the logical structure and improve coherence.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to further support your main points. This would add depth to your arguments and make them more compelling.
task achievement
The essay has a strong conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Good use of transitions and cohesion devices that help the essay flow smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, adding to the overall clarity of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
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