IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people think that schools are no longer necessary because people can aquire information on the internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #aquire #information #internet
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The
internet
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 has been one of the most important inventions of
human
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humans
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, which brought significant changes to urban societies and it is becoming more and more popular, as far as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 many gravitate toward
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 point that the
internet
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 is a proper replacement
of
Change preposition
for
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schools
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, I refute
this
Linking Words
 view because of sundry reasons which will be discussed in the upcoming paragraphs. Since
School age
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School-age
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 children are passing through a crucial phase of their life, their social skills must be monitored to a large extent. In order to overcome challenges, not only do they improve their knowledge, but their communication skills must be enhanced.
Hence
Linking Words
, by attending
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
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 they gain a chance of keeping in touch with their peers and learn how to establish a successful relationship,
additionally
Linking Words
, addressing some problems alone is roughly insurmountable, which requires
to
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working
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work
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 as a group so as to solve them,
for instance
Linking Words
, in cut-throat competition era that companies are involved in, at no time do they outpace the rivals if they do not have teams to
work
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 in a harmonic way, so, as
a
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apply
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future
labor
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labour
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, children must be guided on how to
work
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 as part of a group.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people support the view of using online sources
instead
Linking Words
 of going to
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. To support
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 viewpoint, they argue that acquiring data from the
internet
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 is much less
time consuming
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time-consuming
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 and does not need to allocate weighty funds,
while
Linking Words
 it seems that devastating results of immersing on the
internet
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such
Linking Words
 as becoming
isolated
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an isolated
the isolated
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 person and unpleasant behaviours are overlooked by them. I,
therefore
Linking Words
, admire
schools
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 because they shed light on the path to a better for our loved ones and reform their improper ideas and behaviours. In conclusion, despite the fact that the
internet
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 is more reasonable in terms of time and budget, the pros of group
work
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, social skills and having constructive ideas and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 far outweigh online learning. so, in my opinion,
schools
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 are tremendously crucial, and it is suggested that more efficient methods of learning should be introduced by using
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 at
schools
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.
Submitted by mohamadaliansari1998 on

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