IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people feel it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #waste #money #species #tiger #whale
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There is a consideration that spending cash to the goal to help
animals
 that disappear nowadays
such
 as white
tiger
Fix the agreement mistake
tigers
show examples
 or blue
whale
Fix the agreement mistake
whales
show examples
 is useless and unneeded.
However
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a wide range of opinions that contradict that wasting
money
 for charity is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
vain. In the following paragraphs, I will attempt to consider both points of view and share my position on
necessity
Add an article
the necessity
show examples
 of expending wealth on
animals
 needs. On the one hand,
providing
Wrong verb form
it provides
show examples
money
 for saving creatures. One of the biggest problems is pollution of their environment
that is
 influenced by
society
Replace the word
societal
show examples
 activities
such
 as building factories,
throwing
Correct word choice
and throwing
show examples
 out garbage into the ocean and forests .
Furthermore
, a wide array of financial support is used to maintain clear ocean water and forest
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
Moreover
 ,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water infection
harm
Change the verb form
harms
show examples
 blue whale’s health. It is the reason why they disappear as
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
white tigers in soiling forests.
For instance
, blue whales are in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
danger
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 extinction
due to
 the case that whales are tracked
dow
Correct your spelling
down
show examples
 for their fat and meat. It is used in medicine to give women eternal beauty.
However
, water pollution
also
 is a cause of whale deaths.
Money
 earned from charities can provide
safe
Correct article usage
a safe
show examples
 life, first aid and
clean
Correct article usage
a clean
show examples
 environment that can help to enrich the population of endangered
spices
Correct your spelling
species
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scammers who do not help
animals
 by providing them a better living conditions
on the contrary
 for
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
money
 from programs
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 goal is to raise the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 population.
Thus
, cheaters use
this
 amount of
money
 for their own
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
due to
this
 a wide number of people consider that giving
money
 to that kind of financial support for
animals
 will go anywhere
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
not for
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 quality of life for
animals
.
However
, it is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people’s opinion.
For example
, the charity called “Animal
aid
Capitalize word
Aid
show examples
” was considered a scam owing to the fact that
money
 went to
another goals
Replace the adjective
another goal
other goals
show examples
.
This
 financial aid was used for
money
 laundering for a number of businesses. One suggestion for everyone is to recheck the information about the founders of the organisation.
Furthermore
, it can help you find origins as photos, videos or articles of their occupations. Taking everything into account, both points of view are actual in light of the fact
where
Change preposition
of where
show examples
this
money
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 and for what aim.
For
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 it is significant to help
animals
 by providing them a better
life
Replace the word
living
show examples
 conditions and good quality medicine
owning
Verb problem
considering
show examples
 the fact that people introduced their influence to the reason why
animals
 disappear by pollution and poaching. The main idea is to verify the information.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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coherence cohesion
You have attempted to address the topic, but the development of your arguments is not always logical or clear. Be sure to structure your essay in a way that your ideas progress smoothly and maintain clarity throughout.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction that directly responds to the question. Your conclusion also does not effectively summarise your thoughts or restate your position. Make sure to include a distinct introduction and conclusion to frame your arguments and reiterate your opinion on the issue.
task achievement
Support your main points with more developed examples and explanations. The examples provided are somewhat relevant but lack specificity and elaboration. Aim to include more detailed examples that directly relate to the topic and your arguments to strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Your response to the task is incomplete. There are elements of the question that have not been fully explored, and your position needs to be clearer throughout the essay. Make sure to comprehensively address the prompt, and express your opinion with conviction from beginning to end.
task achievement
Your ideas are not always presented with clarity. Strive for more comprehensive explanations that clearly convey your points to the reader. Avoid overly complex structures if they compromise the clarity of your ideas, and focus instead on clear and direct language.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • intrinsic value
  • existential threat
  • ecosystem
  • conservation
  • economic benefits
  • funding allocation
  • competing needs
What to do next:
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