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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to edcuate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #parents #edcuate #children #home #school #education
In many countries,
parents
 tend to educate their
children
 themselves rather than send them to educational institutions. The author contends that the merits of a flexible schedule outweigh the demerits of a lack of social skills It must be acknowledged that with the development of technology, online education soon becomes prevalent in many houses as they are able to educate their child without sending them to a proper
school
.
As a result
, many
parents
 are shifting to home education
due to
 the convenience it brings back, in fact, they are capable of arranging an appropriate schedule for their child without facing external factors like
school
 ones.
In other words
, home-educated students have far more flexible learning schedules than their peers, and by taking advantage of
this
, those
children
 will have more time to accumulate practical experience that they hardly ever learn in
school
.
However
, there is a minority of
parents
 who are aware that their
children
 will miss precious knowledge with regard to necessary skills
such
 as communication and presentation that can only be learned in
school
.
This
 is perhaps true to some extent,
however
 by spending enough time with their
parents
 arguing about many different topics,
children
 can
also
 learn those skills which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same level as those who learned them at
school
 or
further
 more superior. In fact,
children
 in home-educated housing are likely to become mature since they have interacted with
this
 society at an early age. In conclusion,
while
 acknowledging the negative aspects of homeschooling,
for instance
, the lack of ability to communicate with other people, I reckon that its benefits trump the drawback
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task response
The essay presents a response to the task but lacks depth in discussing both advantages and disadvantages of home education. Try to provide a more balanced argument to fully address the question.
task response
Ensure clarity in your ideas. For example, the claim about children becoming mature through argument with parents needs further elaboration and evidence.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally logically organized, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Try to use linking words or phrases to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more robust. Consider expanding the introduction to provide background information and make the conclusion more detailed, summarizing the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs for introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion.
task response
You have made a good attempt at balancing the discussion by addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of home education.
task response
You have used appropriate language and vocabulary related to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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