IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With the rapid advancement of communication technology: smart phones, tablets and other mobile devices, some people believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advancement #communication #technology #phones #tablets #devices #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
 day and age, there has been rapid development regarding means of communication, for ,example mobile phones, computers and so on. Certain individuals
however
 state that these devices bring more harm than good. I certainly side with the point and the reasoning will be enlightened in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, These gadgets and technology have been making more folks stay cooped up at home
instead
 of going out to perform healthier activities. Nowadays, with the pandemic still going strong, countless people have been forced into their homes and have to work from home with computers and electronic devices.
Consequently
, they ignore their task of going out to exercise and eating healthy food, resulting in folks getting underweight or obese
due to
 the lack of well-being attention. Not only that, with social media bursting around in these very devices, it has
also
 created a much more toxic community. To illustrate, there are a lot of concerning videos and media that have been spread around the platforms of
TikTok
, Twitter and Youtube, like the recent issue, "Cat in a Blender", a video that was uploaded onto
Tiktok
 by a Chinese user and showed gore and blood of a kitten being cruelly tortured. Lots of other users have reuploaded the aforesaid video onto other media despite
Tiktok
 taking down the clip after a few hours.
Consequently
, lots of teenagers and children who have come across the video had to endure the merciless and traumatic sight. Another typical example is the questionable trends that come with the short-clip platform, like eating a Tide pod or jumping out of a moving car to do a small
tiktok
 dance, which both resulted in a lot of injuries and even a few deaths. In conclusion,
although
 phones and computers have benefited daily life by a significant amount, it still holds countless downsides that easily outweigh the advantages.
Submitted by supercalifragilisticexpliadocious on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: