IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

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Youths are frequently impacted by peers their age in terms of their behaviours and views.
This
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 is called “
peer
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pressure
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”. It seems that the upsides still far outweigh the downsides. On the one hand, there is no denying the potential positive impacts of
peer
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pressure
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 on adolescents.
To begin
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, the most supportive
peer
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 groups will assist you in beginning to lessen the effects of your poor behaviours.
For instance
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, if you frequently arrive late to individuals, you may start to adjust your behaviour after you notice that all of your friends arrive on time every time.
Furthermore
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,
peer
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pressure
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 is an excellent way for young people to engage in healthy competition. As an example, if there is a good group of intelligent youngsters, there would be rivalry among the children to maintain high academic standards.
On the other hand
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,
although
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peer
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pressure
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 has many advantages, there still exist some noteworthy disadvantages.
Firstly
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, young people lose themselves when they are under
peer
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pressure
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. Children who want to fit in must undertake something they don't particularly enjoy doing to gain the acceptance of their peers.
Secondly
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, adolescents can experience self-consciousness and stress related to having to be as talented as friends
due to
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peer
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pressure
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.
For example
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, a person could feel inferior and useless when they see an old buddy who has purchased a home or a vehicle but is still making payments on a motorcycle.
Finally
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, when under
peer
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pressure
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, youthful people will experience worry and even melancholy. They require themselves they must constantly work hard and work more in order to accomplish like others;
however
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this
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 simply makes the task ineffective
due to
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 mental tiredness and sadness.
To conclude
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,
although
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peer
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pressure
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 can be beneficial to youth,
this
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 type of
pressure
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 has a harmful
aspect
Correct your spelling
effect
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 on youngsters' behaviours and situations. I believe that the disadvantages of
this
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 phenomenon outweigh its advantages.

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task response
Make sure to address all aspects of the prompt in your essay. It is important to provide a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of peer pressure. In this essay, you have done a good job of presenting both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a clear progression of ideas and maintains coherence throughout. However, you could further enhance the cohesion by using transitional words and phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally strong, and you demonstrate a good range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, be cautious of the repetitive use of certain words and consider using synonyms or other alternative expressions.
grammatical range
Your essay has a good level of accuracy in grammar and sentence structures. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected to improve the overall quality of the essay. Review your use of tenses and ensure proper subject-verb agreement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behaviors
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • social activities
  • risky behaviors
  • health and wellbeing
  • social skills development
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • empathy
  • individuality
  • independence
  • conformity
  • emotional well-being
  • mental well-being
  • self-esteem
  • negative consequences
  • positive influence
  • motivation
  • encouragement
  • sense of belonging
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