IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some feel that cities should be designed to be beautiful while others feel their functionality is more important. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#feel #cities #functionality
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In the contemporary ,days a lot of
cities
 are being developed for various purposes. Some
people
 claim that towns should be planned to be lovely, others argue that their usefulness is more vital. It is agreed that the public’s basic needs are more important than
an aesthetic ones
Correct the article-noun agreement
an aesthetic one
aesthetic ones
show examples
.
This
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter. On the
one
 hand, everyone wants to be surrounded by
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 spectacular view and
one
 way or another it brings them pleasure.
Furthermore
,a lot of
people
 reckon that the beauty of towns has a direct effect on their spirit.
For instance
, a well-known psychologist from the USA, John Reyon, assures that colourfulness and creatively built
cities
 improve the mental state of
people
.
This
 statement is proven by Reyon’s researchers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 demonstrated that
people
 who were living in bleak towns were more depressed than
people
 who used to live in
cities
 that were filled with beauty.
Moreover
,
one
 more benefit from it, is that lots of
people
 beautify their
cities
 by planting flowers and trees,
subsequently
 reducing air pollution. Of course ,it is crucial to maintain
colourfulness
Correct article usage
the colourfulness
show examples
 of
cities
 in order to support citizens' mental health and
helped
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 them to breathe freely with fresh and unpolluted air .
On the other hand
, the view is supported by me ,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 functionality of the city is considered a more essential
one
. It means that accessibility of services to all
people
 is
way
Rephrase
much
show examples
 more needed as these are the basic things that
people
 use every day. It is crucial for citizens to have access to public transportation
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
visit hospitals anytime or educate their children in
a modern schools
Correct the article-noun agreement
modern schools
a modern school
show examples
. So it’s better to receive the height level of service than just observing incredible views without functionality. To put it another way, if
people
 have confidence in the town's ability to function, they might feel safer about their own security.
To conclude
, if the city is beautiful and practical,
people
 will appreciate it.
Therefore
 attractive
cities
 are valued as long as they are practical. After a thorough analysis of
this
 subject, it is predicted that city planners will prioritise functionality over aesthetics as the former is more critical and valuable.
Submitted by Amir Rustamov on

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task achievement
Make sure to elaborate a bit more on the opposing viewpoint to provide a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
task achievement
Work on incorporating sophisticated vocabulary and reducing minor grammatical errors for a more polished essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in following your argument easily.
task achievement
You effectively support the main points with specific examples and references, which make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The concluding paragraph sums up the argument effectively and aligns with the points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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