IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situation by others in the same age. This called ‘Peer Pressure’. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

#people #behaviours #situation #age #‘peer #pressure’
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, children are regularly influenced in their behaviours and situation by others at the same age.
This
Linking Words
 problem is called ‘Peer Stress’. In my point of view, I personally believe that its disadvantages outweigh the advantages. The
pressure
Use synonyms
 called ‘Peer stress’ on the
child
Use synonyms
 has 2 benefits. The main strong point is that the
pressure
Use synonyms
 from peer people makes them more hard-working.
In particular
Linking Words
, with the successes of other
kids
Use synonyms
 comes envy from some parents, so they measure them with their
kids
Use synonyms
 and cause
pressure
Use synonyms
 on their children to study or work harder.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a friend of yours had won some prizes, your families would have measured and put
pressure
Use synonyms
 to make them study harder for better performance. Another additional positive aspect is that living in a
pressure
Use synonyms
 environment for a long time can create new good disciplines, habits and manners for themselves, they can improve their endurance and
thus
Linking Words
 the
child
Use synonyms
 can offer stress from society
such
Linking Words
 as work or business.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they may become self-awareness and self-care.
Although
Linking Words
 its plus points are very great, the weaknesses are very harmful and terrible to
kids
Use synonyms
. The main negative aspect is that it harms young people’s mental health. Children who offer too much stress always feel uncomfortable or angry and they don’t want to do anything. That affects their relationships with others, especially families and relatives.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
child
Use synonyms
 may have a bad character or lose control and do something terribly. An additional drawback is the effect on their physical health. The
child
Use synonyms
 will always feel uncomfortable or angry if they work a lot. In some cases, they may have some dangerous diseases. In conclusion, parents shouldn’t cause too much
pressure
Use synonyms
 for their
kids
Use synonyms
, they should allow the
child
Use synonyms
 to do something entertaining, that can reduce stress.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: