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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that children should be taught to be competitive in school. Others, however, say that cooperation and team working skills are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #children #school #cooperation #team #skills
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Until now, people are continuing to
expoundon
Correct your spelling
expound on
expound
a powerful argument about the importance of
children
 being taught cooperation,
while
 others consider being competitive is better.
While
 each view has its merits, I am a proponent of the former argument. An outgoing and cooperative personality is crucial to prevent loneliness . During their young ages,
children
 should participate in teamwork, which might be assigned by their teacher, or help with household activities,
such
 as washing dishes. By doing that, they will be able to establish strong friendships full of rapport and camaraderie among family members.
In addition
 , their skills in communication will be developed , making future relations happen with more ease.
As a result
, the kid will grow up as a successful person with people surrounding him or her , mitigating and helping him or her in harsh situations.
For instance
, researchers have proved that pupils having many relations with people are less likely to experience isolation , depression , and other conditions. Yet, becoming competitive is a good but not a necessary skill. On one hand,
children
 learn how to become independent , handling all tasks alone, which is awesome as it fosters a self-learning path , where they are immersed in learning new skills to stay ahead of the competition. For that reason , many
children
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 enrol on a math competition usually do extensive work like studying from external materials to ensure they win.
Nevertheless
,
according to
 a scientific newspaper, these youngsters were found to experience more hardships , once they are adults, when proposing for marriage or even just making new friends.
Therefore
, I firmly believe that it is more important to focus on educating youths on how to become cooperative rather than competitive, because of its great impact on their potential, but that does not mean to desert that other skill completely.
Submitted by abdo.studyy on

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task response
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively and presents clear arguments for both sides of the issue. However, make sure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. The logical flow of ideas is good, but try to improve the transitions between paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.
task response
Clear presentation of arguments for both cooperation and competitiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • strive
  • healthy competition
  • real-world competition
  • excessive
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • win-at-all-costs
  • detrimental
  • character development
  • empathy
  • communication skills
  • group efforts
  • individual talents
  • self-reliance
  • independence
  • balanced approach
  • competitive learning environments
  • cooperative learning environments
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