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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows what anthropology graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. the table shows the salaries of theanthropologists in work after five years.

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The given pie chart represents the destination of anthropology
graduates
Use synonyms
 from a specific university and the table below shows the gathered data on salaries of
this
Linking Words
fields’s
Remove the s
fields’
show examples
graduates
Use synonyms
 after 5 years of working in 3 various work sectors.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the anthropology students found a full-time job after finishing
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 tertiary education,
also
Linking Words
, considering the table, spending 5 years in 3 different
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
 of work most of them had a high amount of income. A major number of anthropology
graduates
Use synonyms
, recording 52% chose a full-time job, following that, 15% of them found
a part-time work
Remove the article
part-time work
a part-time job
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
,
12
Correct word choice
and 12
show examples
%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
did not find a career. 8% of these
graduates
Use synonyms
 entered full-time postgraduate studies and there is no data available on the path
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 8% of them took.
Finally
Linking Words
, 5% of the
graduates
Use synonyms
 chose to have a part-time job
in addition
Linking Words
 to postgraduate studies. Considering the table below the pie chart, the named field
graduates
Use synonyms
 had 3 different types of
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
, including freelance consultant, government sector and private companies. Among these
careers
Add a comma
,careers
show examples
 freelance consultants and government sector employees seem to possess better salaries after 5 years of working,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 80% of income higher than 75000$. 10% of
graduates
Use synonyms
 who worked for private companies had a range of income between 25000$ to 49.999$, 35% of them between 50000$ to 74999$, 25% of them between 75000$ to 99999$ and 30% of them
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
 amount of salaries more than 100000$.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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