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Band 3.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the development made in
agriculture
, lots of
people
 surrounds the world still go starving.
This
 essay is going to describe
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 of the causes for
this
 problem of
hunger
 and giving possible problems.
Firstly
, one of the main causes
suffering
Change preposition
of suffering
show examples
 from
hunger
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
population
 growth
as well as
 the waste of
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
.
For instance
,
According to
 the research done at the Seoul National Korean
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
in Korea, in recent days, as the
population
 have grown, the food demand is rapidly increasing.
However
, the supply of food in
agriculture
 is
short- handed
Correct your spelling
short-handed
show examples
. Most
people
 work in
agriculture
 who are the old generation.
Secondly
, the climate changes unpredictably
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global warming.
Thus
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
population
 growth and natural disaster leads
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
 suffering from
hunger
. There are two possible solutions from the starve.
Firstly
, as the
population
growing
Wrong verb form
grows
show examples
, the government should support the machines, which is regardless of
climates
Fix the agreement mistake
climate
show examples
 and
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 to increase the supply of food.
Therefore
, reducing
people
 who are suffering from
hunger
.
Secondly
, it is essential to
supports
Change the verb
support
show examples
 young generations to work in the
agriculture
 industry
such
 as give
more
Correct pronoun usage
them more
show examples
 high income and offer for accommodation
while
 they are working. In conclusion, even though technology is developing in
agriculture
, numerous
people
 are still starving around the world. I believe the technology for humans develops a lot.
However
, the
agriculture
 industry still
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to increase.
Therefore
 the world should encourage and provide more practical support to reduce
people
 who
suffering
Change the form of the verb
suffer
show examples
 from
hunger
.
Submitted by toybox29 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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