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Band 7

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people rergad this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important learning and taking responsiblities? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#countries #children #work #people #rergad #responsiblities
Recently, the phenomenon of putting kids in works which are related to making payments and its corresponding impacts has sparked a heated debate .
Although
 contested by many that the matter of above-mentioned issue is highly beneficial,
such
 matter regarded thoroughly both constructive and positive by a substantial number of individual .I am inclined to believe that our subject can be a plus, and I will analyze that throughout
this
 essay. It is crystal clear that when parents put their child in a position to try to gain revenue
instead
 of working they would learn a sense of burden;inasmuch as they can feel the reality of life by trying to make a bill ,
for example
 when I was a child my father makes me wash his car and by the time my work got finished he always gave me some tips ,at first barely I could stand washing a Car,but by the time pass making salary became pleasant for me and I came to the reality that it is my restraint to work some time . As well, If deciding to give a job to their children , parents have to monitor them to prevent any problems in future.
Consequently
 asking offspring to do some job can boost the feeling of power in them. In the realm of psychology giving authority to offspring may harm their confidence ;in fact, maybe they try their best but cannot earn wages so
this
 event may damage their confidence.
For instance
, my cousin is being made to sell some candy in a shop
while
 he is just 8 years old and cannot keep in touch very easily day by day he is becoming more introverted because
however
, he is trying so hard but he can not gain any revenue .
As a result
 on some occasions, it may hurt the child's feel.
As a result
, I strongly believe that it would be a plus to give the offspring a job in which they have to try to be successful and earn money .
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on

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Task Achievement
The essay could benefit from a clear and concise thesis statement. It's essential to directly address the question and clearly state your own opinion within the introduction.
Task Achievement
Consider organizing your ideas into clear, logical paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a central idea, which is then elaborated with examples or explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking devices and topic sentences to improve the flow of your essay and clarify the relationship between paragraphs and ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences within the paragraph stick to this central topic. Avoid unnecessary repetition or deviation from the subject.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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