IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Large business have big budgets for marketing and promotion and a as a result, people gravitate towards buying their products What problem does this cause? What could be done to encourage people to buy local products?

#business #budgets #promotion #people #gravitate #products
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Advertisements have been found as the most attractive way to increase business. These certainly benefit most
multimillionaire
Correct your spelling
multimillion-dollar
show examples
 companies and business empires as they spend a significant amount of budget in promoting their
products
Use synonyms
 and selling their
brands
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
on the contrary
Linking Words
 considerably affecting small-budget local businesses resulting closure of many of them.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
such
Linking Words
 issues resulting from marketing and ad promotions
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
ways to tackle
such
Linking Words
 concerns and
also
Linking Words
 how to increase local product sales.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 often
founds
Replace the word
find
show examples
 attraction towards shiny and showcase
products
Use synonyms
 or
brands
Use synonyms
 which
therefore
Linking Words
 results in the idea of advertisements. Knowing
this
Linking Words
 weakness, many corporate sectors and the majority of big business empires spend a large amount of money on marketing and promoting themselves.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, in doing so and to cover
this
Linking Words
 extra cost, they in turn increase the prices of their
products
Use synonyms
 which actually
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 a burden on the pocket of the population only. Unfortunately, it is happening not alone in large companies but in other sectors too including hospitality, medical treatments, media and personal branding.
For example
Linking Words
, many corporate hospitals have their marketing unit to sell treatment options in different ways without the doctor's permission and later give heavy bills to patients to run
such
Linking Words
 unnecessary promotional jobs.
Next,
Linking Words
regarding local product encouragement, it is people's faith in brand quality which could fight against any kind of big advertised product. So, small
brands
Use synonyms
 in the local areas always have a chance to grow if keep their focus on the timely availability and quality of their
products
Use synonyms
. Many of us still believe in buying from local shops at a fair price rather than going to big malls and spending a lot there.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we need to maintain that faith and promote local
brands
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is indeed known that promotional marketing has now been included everywhere and diluting even the quality of
products
Use synonyms
 and we need some solution to reach and stay in touch with the local sellers.
Submitted by sonyasharma01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Ensure that the essay addresses all aspects of the question as per the prompt to improve task response.
Coherence and cohesion
Develop a more organized structure by using clear topic sentences and linking words to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: