IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

2/ Some students prefer to take a gap year between high school and university, to work or to travel. Do the advantages of this outweight the disavantages?

#students #gap #year #school #university #work #travel #outweight #disavantages
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Traditionally, high
school
Use synonyms
 seniors will either pursue college or enter the workforce after graduation.
However
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, these days, a third option -
gap
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year
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, where
students
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 defer university enrollment to travel or work – is gaining traction.
While
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 there are admittedly several benefits to
students
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, I believe that the negative influences of
this
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 practice are more glaring. On the one hand, delaying tertiary education for one
year
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 is advantageous to a certain extent.
First,
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a
gap
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year
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 affords new graduates time to travel and immerse themselves in alien cultures, which helps them enrich their life experiences and hone practical skills.
For example
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, when living abroad,
students
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 will have to adapt quickly to their independent
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and pick up new languages.
Second,
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given that most high schools provide inadequate career guidance,
sparing
Verb problem
spending
show examples
 several months looking for job opportunities or attending vocational training courses will empower
students
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 to identify a suitable career path.
Such
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 experiences would be hardly attainable if high
school
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 graduates immediately enrol in university and become occupied with their intense study schedules.
On the other hand
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, I am convinced that the aforementioned advantages pale in comparison with the significant disadvantages of having a
year
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-long break prior to embarking on higher education. A major drawback is that
gap
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-
year
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 takers may fall behind in their studies
as well as
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facing
Wrong verb form
face
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 peer pressure, which could possibly drain their self-confidence.
In addition
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 to
this
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, high
school
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 seniors can lose momentum, finding it hard to resume their education after a long time being away from formal schooling.
Last
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 but not least, young people who decide to work
instead
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 of going to college right away are unlikely to save up a lot of money or cultivate relevant job skills during their
gap
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year
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, which can be attributed to the fact that jobs available to high
school
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 leaver are mainly entry-level ones that neither get remuneration well nor teach them anything substantive. In conclusion,
while
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 taking a
gap
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year
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 is not without certain beneficiaries, I would contend that the given disadvantages do not make it a worthwhile path.
Submitted by hoangthoakinhte on

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task response
The essay responds to the prompt effectively, presenting both the advantages and disadvantages of taking a gap year. However, it could benefit from more in-depth examples and analysis to fully support the points made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear overview of the essay and reiterating the main points. However, some areas of the essay could benefit from stronger coherence and organization to enhance the overall structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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