Although many people value their public parks, this space could be better used for other purposes such as residential areas for the ever growing population or to develop business and boost economies. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, the constantly increasing population creates more residential and economic requirements which is raising a concern that more accommodations should be built or used for business and boost economies
instead
of building public
parks
. I personally disagree with
this
thought for the reasons provided below.
To begin
with, during the tremendously escalating population, there are lots of skyscrapers, high-rise buildings and houses built which mitigate the greenery in cosmopolitan cities.
This
leads to a lack of interaction among
people
with mother nature that affects humans' mental health badly, especially for the poor ones. To illustrate,
people
need a place
for relaxing
Change preposition
to relax
show examples
and
breathing
Wrong verb form
breathe
show examples
the fresh air after a long day of work. In
this
case, rich
people
can come to many entertainment centres,
however
, the poor ones can only choose public
parks
as their most suitable choice. If there are not any
parks
,
then
people
might have rare places for entertaining themselves and their families, which may cause depression and stress for residents of cities.
On the other hand
,
Parks
are
also
a place for
people
to arrange social activities for connecting with their friends or bonding with their family.
For instance
, nowadays, residents almost don’t have much time for leisure activities so they often
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
parks
for the short time
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
show examples
.
In addition
,
parks
give
people
the sense of being in nature with the ecosystem including plants, trees and biodiversity with many small creatures. In these situations, public gardens play an important role in human life and encourage
people
to have tight relationships. In conclusion, I believe that public
parks
are extremely important and must not be replaced for any reason. They are valuable in human society to provide social places and contribute to residential mental health. Governments should find other solutions to boost economies and solve problems related to accommodation.
Submitted by lantran180487 on

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. You have provided relevant examples and developed your points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. Your ideas are well-connected, and your arguments are supported with relevant examples.

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