It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals believe that in the modern days social
media
, Use synonyms
mass
Use synonyms
culture
and Use synonyms
friends
are the key factors that impact a child's evolvement. Use synonyms
While
, the others believe that family has a considerable role in Linking Words
children
's growth because the family can breed their Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
according to
their Linking Words
culture
and traditions, in my opinion, the first idea has more significant effects than families because young generation would sooner get in touch with social Use synonyms
media
and their Use synonyms
friends
than family.
On the one hand, many Use synonyms
parents
try to behave well and have good communication with their Use synonyms
children
in order to develop their Use synonyms
children
as they want. Use synonyms
Parents
believe that having dinner with their Use synonyms
children
or spending Use synonyms
time
with them may have positive impacts on them. It can have a temporary result in Use synonyms
children
's treatment but these kinds of actions are not permanent and do not have deep influences. Use synonyms
For instance
, many Iranian Linking Words
parents
try to have dinner with their Use synonyms
children
to develop their opinions and personalities through communication, but young people do not pay attention to them and they evolve their personalities Use synonyms
according to
the Linking Words
mass
Use synonyms
culture
. Use synonyms
Although
Linking Words
parents
try to develop the personality of Use synonyms
children
, their effort is temporary and society has the most impact on their development.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, social Linking Words
media
, popular Use synonyms
culture
, and Use synonyms
friends
are thought to have deep impacts on Use synonyms
children
's evolution. The majority of youngsters spend their most of Use synonyms
time
with their Use synonyms
friends
Use synonyms
due to
they have more common in comparison with family. Linking Words
In addition
, they would rather treat based on trends and Linking Words
mass
Use synonyms
culture
in order to show they are up to date. Use synonyms
Moreover
, not only do they follow Linking Words
mass
Use synonyms
culture
and spend Use synonyms
time
with their Use synonyms
friends
, but they Use synonyms
also
spend most of their Linking Words
time
on social Use synonyms
media
which many young people try to think of as the same as influencers. Use synonyms
For example
, Iranian young people do different activities that become trends in Instagram and TikTok Linking Words
media
and even start some businesses that influencers advertise. In point of my view, young individuals develop themselves Use synonyms
according to
societal trends and they are impacted by their Linking Words
friends
and Use synonyms
media
more than by family.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
however
, families try to impact their Linking Words
children
and breed them based on traditions, their impacts are minor and these are not deep and permanent, Use synonyms
furthermore
, youngsters would rather pay attention to the Linking Words
mass
Use synonyms
culture
, Use synonyms
media
and their Use synonyms
friends
because they find more common, Use synonyms
as a result
, they spend more Linking Words
time
with them than their familyUse synonyms
Submitted by hadadianmohamadhossein on
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clarity
To enhance clarity, work on refining sentence structure and ensure that each sentence serves a clear purpose. There are some ideas that could be expressed more concisely.
cohesion
Incorporate more transitional words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more seamlessly.
cohesion
Avoid redundancy. Be mindful of repeating the same point. For example, the essay mentions multiple times how social media and friends impact children. Each paragraph should introduce a new aspect or supporting detail.
task response
Provide further elaboration and specifics on how family impacts child development. While there is an example from Iranian culture, it would be helpful to provide more detailed personal or factual anecdotes to back up the arguments.
coherence
To improve coherence and cohesion, explicitly outline the structure in the introduction, detailing what each segment of the essay will discuss. Summarize these in your conclusion briefly as well.
support
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which makes your essay more persuasive and grounded.
task response
The essay addresses both views and clearly states your own opinion, which fulfills the key requirements of the task.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the discussion, providing a clear start and finish to your essay.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.