IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
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Many people
work
Use synonyms
 diligently because the company gives
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 huge salary. The problem is,
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
are not have
Change the verb form
do not have
show examples
 much
time
Use synonyms
 to
exercise
Use synonyms
, have quality
time
Use synonyms
 with wife or
husband
Fix the agreement mistake
husbands
show examples
,
playing
Wrong verb form
and play
show examples
 with their children. In the future, they could
high
Add a missing verb
have high
show examples
 pressure activities,
health
Correct word choice
and health
show examples
 problems because not have
time
Use synonyms
 to do
exercise
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
exercise
Use synonyms
 is very important to maintain
work
Use synonyms
 performance, because health is the most valuable asset in life, If you are under pressure and you’re
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 it, you must have the courage to leave your job right now, especially for a toxic
work
Use synonyms
 environment. There are other options, if you are an entrepreneur, most entrepreneurs are busy at
work
Use synonyms
 because they have to take care of operations, marketing and
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
. It's true that the extraordinary pressure
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 an entrepreneur. In my opinion, the way to divide your
time
Use synonyms
 is to
exercise
Use synonyms
 in the morning before working at home or going to the office.
Because successful
Correct word choice
Successful
show examples
 entrepreneurs have good
time
Use synonyms
 management .
This
Linking Words
 job is very risky, if the owner is sick
then
Linking Words
 the system in the company or business could be disrupted because the owner is the driving force. The most effective way to overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem is to
exercise
Use synonyms
 in the morning
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because research or evidence shows that exercising in the morning can greatly increase productivity and improve
work
Use synonyms
 performance. But there are differences of opinion, there are
also
Linking Words
 those who
exercise
Use synonyms
 at night, for
me
Add a comma
,me
show examples
 it's better in the morning. That’s would
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 do to avoid disease and increase
longetivity
Correct your spelling
longevity
.
Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
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