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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars and riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that many individuals
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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belief
Replace the word
believe
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 that in order to make
road
Use synonyms
 transport
become
Verb problem
apply
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safer, the most efficient method is raising the minimum
age
Use synonyms
 at which commuters are allowed to use private vehicles
such
Linking Words
 as cars or motorbikes. Personally,
while
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 I agree that increasing the
age
Use synonyms
 brings some benefits, I would argue that there are some more solutions to improve
road
Use synonyms
 safety. On the one hand, I believe that it is necessary to increase the legal
age
Use synonyms
 for driving for two reasons.
Firstly
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, youngsters who just have been allowed to use cars or motorbikes usually want to show off themselves as they often break the law by overspeeding.
Secondly
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, they are not mature enough to be aware of the danger lying ahead when driving too fast.
Besides
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, they do not have much experience
to deal
Change preposition
in dealing
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 with some problems which may occur when accidents happen.
For example
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, a study shows that the highest percentage of all death cases is related to the young generation aged from 18 to 23.
On the other hand
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, I am far more convinced that raising the allowed
age
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 is not the only measure.
Instead
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, giving harder papers and practical exams can improve
road
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 safety as travellers must not only learn by heart all the crucial laws but
also
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 spend more time practising driving or riding.
Moreover
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, the government should encourage people to take public transportation in order to reduce the risk of accidents and traffic congestion as well.
For instance
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, a new law in which examinees need to take 80 km of
road
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 driving before achieving a driving license is now enforced in
Viet Nam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
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. In conclusion, it seems to me that increasing the legal
age
Use synonyms
 has positive impacts to a few extent,
whereas
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 some different ways can as well. It is necessary for parents to educate their children well before joining the traffic.

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Provide a more detailed explanation and development of ideas, linking them more explicitly to the task question to improve clarity and relevance.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used by incorporating more academic and precise language to present ideas with more variety and nuance.
grammatical range
Enhance grammatical accuracy by paying attention to subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and the proper use of punctuation to convey ideas more effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • increase road safety
  • maturity
  • rash decision-making
  • cognitive functions
  • risky behavior
  • traffic congestion
  • urban areas
  • core issues
  • proper training
  • adherence to traffic rules
  • road conditions
  • vehicle maintenance
  • stricter driving tests
  • enhancing road safety
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