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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all source and renewbles in the year 2009.

The pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all source and renewbles in the year 2009.
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The pie charts illustrate
France
Use synonyms
 and
Germany
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's
electricity
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generation
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 from all
sources
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 and
renewables
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 in 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is shown that
electricity
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generation
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 of all types in
Germany
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 was dominated by conventional thermal
while
Linking Words
 in
France
Use synonyms
 the domination was taken by nuclear.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 for
renewables
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 in
Germany
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, biomass was taking the lead
while
Linking Words
 in
France
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 the lead was with hydroelectric. Regarding
electricity
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generation
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 from all types in
Germany
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, conventional thermal was the highest with 59.6%
while
Linking Words
 in
France
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 conventional thermal was the least
electricity
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generation
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source
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 with 10.3%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nuclear had the domination with 76% in
France
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while
Linking Words
 in
Germany
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 it was about 23% of
electricity
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generation
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sources
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 in
Germany
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
renewables
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 in
France
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 were about 17.4%
while
Linking Words
 in
Germany
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 they were the least energy
source
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. In terms of
renewables
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, biomass and wind were the primary
electricity
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sources
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 in
Germany
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 with approximately 76.2%
while
Linking Words
 in
France
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 they were about 18.6% of its renewable
sources
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
France
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 relied on hydroelectric as its main
source
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 with 80.5%
while
Linking Words
 in
Germany
Use synonyms
 hydroelectric was about 17.7%.
Also
Linking Words
, solar energy was 6.1% in
Germany
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while
Linking Words
 in
France
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 it was as low as 0.9%. Interestingly, both
Germany
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 and
France
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 did not rely on geothermal as the
source
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 of
electricity
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generation
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words france, germany, electricity, generation, sources, renewables, source with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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