Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is true that many individuals prefer the idea that
music
is one of the most crucial parts of society, while
others argue that it is just a simple pastime activity. Despite the source of controversy involved in this
field, I would
personally believe that it is the best way of entertainment in society Verb problem
apply
due to
various reasons.
There are two reasons why I am convinced that Change preposition
for
music
plays a key role in life. First,
listening to it can help people unwind and heal themselves after a hard working day. The melody of all the songs may wash away all the worries as well as
boost their mood to overcome any troubles and as a result
, people find it easier to get along well with each other. Secondly
, songs also
improve the sense of creativity together with
concentration as some students or workers usually open their favourite playlists in order to come up with new ideas quickly and work more efficiently as well. For example
, many researchers say 90% of the observed subjects who spend their free time enjoying pop show more attention and calm in dealing with everything in life, compared to those who do not.
On the other hand
, listening to songs simply being a form of relaxation is also
thought by some individuals for some factors. The primary one is that some genres these days are really ear-catching, however
, the lyrics are sometimes too nonsense that they cannot touch the feelings of listeners. Moreover
, some artists nowadays focus too much on their appearance instead
of their singing ability because they have to adapt to the young generation's trend. This
leads to the problem that music
may lose its value and therefore
, numerous people only consider it as a normal way to relax. For instance
, a study shows that many youngsters today have a preference for how their idols look, rather than caring about their voice.
In conclusion, it seems to me that both of the opinions above are reasonable to a few extent. As for me, I strongly claim that music
is the most vital thing in society. It is necessary for both the artists and listeners to choose carefully what to perform and to enjoy.Submitted by danphamngocha on
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task response
Ensure that the response fully addresses all parts of the task question. Providing a balanced discussion of both views and a clear opinion is essential.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but the logical progression of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. Use transition words and phrases to better connect ideas within and between sentences to enhance coherence.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary demonstrates a reasonable range, but there is a need for greater precision and variety in word choice and collocations. Utilize more academic and precise vocabulary to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
While your work has a good grasp of grammar and a variety of sentence structures, there are instances of awkward and unclear phrasing. Work on using complex structures more effectively and consistently to raise your score in this category.