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Band 7.5

Some people think that men and women have good expertise only in particular fields. This means men are better at doing certain jobs and women are better at doing some other jobs. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #expertise #fields #jobs
The people with conservative views claim that the proficiency of certain skills in jobs is based on sex,
therefore
, making
women
 more skilful in certain professions than men or vice versa. It is my contention that factually, the sex of a person plays a critical role in their mastery of that particular job
nevertheless
, it cannot be applied to all professions since both sexes could reach the highest level of competency. First and foremost, it is true that
women
 can be better equipped in some work areas in comparison with men. To illustrate,
women
 are known to be relatively better architects than their opposite gender owing to their naive and unique designs that are scarcely seen among male architects.
Furthermore
, men are overwhelmingly better at labour-intensive professions like welders and construction workers because of their masculine build-up.
On the other hand
, presently, differentiating the skillfulness of a person in a particular job
according to
 their gender is more of a tabu or a stereotypical thing to disclose in public. The dynamics of the world have undergone tremendous novelties,
thus
, bridging the gender inequality in offices and sites.
This
 allowed females' expertise to emerge and display to people that they could
also
 illustrate better performance in certain jobs that used to be dominated by males.
For example
, the field of engineering was once heavily male-oriented.
However
, with the empowerment of
women
, they have entered the market and achieved similar results, refuting previous thoughts. In conclusion,
although
 a few occupations may require sex-based skills
such
 as muscle or naiveness, both genes can elucidate identical mastery in the remainder of other fields.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay introduction clearly outlines your position; this would enhance the clarity of your argument.
Task Achievement
Do not use ambiguous terms like 'naive' to describe professional skills, as it might not clearly convey your intended meaning or could be misinterpreted.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a better range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between ideas and arguments, which would improve coherence.
Task Achievement
For a higher score, provide a wider range of specific and relevant examples that directly support your main points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to improve the rhythm of your writing and make your points more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
Remember to proofread your text to avoid minor grammatical mistakes and ensure the use of accurate vocabulary.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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