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Band 6.5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons of this problem and how can it be solved?

#movement #people #areas #cities #places
These days, technology has been developing immediately, and populations need to use it, so we can see the huge number of
people
 who migrate from rural areas to the metropolises
also
,
this
happen
Verb problem
apply
show examples
has several issues.
This
 essay discusses the evidence that makes these problems and how we can solve them. The reasons for immigrating to the urban regions are varied like not only weak facilities with the same taxes but
also
 job opportunities. on the one hand, communities emigrate owing to the fact that they think they pay money to the government as same as the big
cities
' inhabitants
while
 they do not have the range of equipment that big
cities
 have.
On the other hand
, Unfortunately, most industries are around the
cities
;
additionally
, these companies need a majority of workers;
hence
, communities go to the
cities
 to find occupations that same as their education fields with high incomes ;
in contrast
, when they live in the village they should work on agricultural areas.
This
 question can be solved by authorities investing in countryside facilities and making a position
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
people
 earn a lot of money from farms. On the one side, it is crucial that governments fund the rural areas to improve and enhance their services as same as big
cities
, or their taxes have to be lower than metropolises. On the other side, I advise that governments make good political interactions with other countries to export their agricultural goods to other countries;
therefore
, farmers earn a great deal of money;
then
people
 like to work on farmlands.
To sum up
, the migration of rural citizens to the big
cities
 has a lot of problems;
nevertheless
, governments can solve it by doing a range of work that changes
people
's opinions.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Your essay responds well to the task prompt by identifying both reasons for urban migration and potential solutions. However, the arguments could be more thoroughly developed and supported by specific examples or statistics.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use more transition words and phrases to link ideas within and between paragraphs. This will help your essay flow more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion by addressing both the causes and solutions to the problem, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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