IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that watching TV causes weight problems in children. Do you agree with this view? What solution you can suggest to tackle children’s weight problem?

#people #tv #weight #children #children’s
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An increasing concern for many people around the world is the
health
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 of
children
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. Some individuals opine that
children
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 are becoming obese by spending more
time
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 in front of the
TV
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,
whereas
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 others think the opposite. I,
however
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, agree with the former view. Generally speaking,
children
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 are facing a variety of
health
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 issues nowadays; obesity is one of them. Watching
TV
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 is increasing
this
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 issue. They are spending more
time
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 in front of the
TV
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.
While
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 watching it they tend to eat more junk food, and lost interest to go outside and play both of these lead to obesity. To add more,
children
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 who are more addicted to the
TV
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 most of the
time
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 use to go to bed late at night, which is harmful to their brain development, and
health
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 issues.
This
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 activity can
also
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 make them underweight. To solve all these negative things about
children
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's
health
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 problems, parents should be more active. Research shows that, by ,nature
children
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 follow grownups. parents should make a realistic schedule for their child, which will include outside playing and
TV
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time
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 . Parents can take their
children
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 to the park, to nature and play with them. That will make a child more attractive to the outside world. Schools should be more careful about
this
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 too. They should encourage students on outdoor sports.
To sum up
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, I suggest that every child deserves a healthy life . We all should play our part to ensure that healthy life for the
children
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. Watching
TV
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 and playing outside should be balanced at the same
time
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.
Submitted by tasliimaa098 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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