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Writing Samples
Band 8

Violence in the media promotes violence in society to what extent do you agree or disagree.

#violence #media #society
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In the contemporary world, the controversy surrounding the impacts of
media
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 and
TV
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 has become a prominent topic. Some people believe that the brutality content shown in the
media
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 has a direct influence on the
violence
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 occurring in the country. From my perspective, I completely agree with
this
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 point of view. On the one hand, it is undeniable that the high number of
media
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 promoting
violence
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 increases the opportunity for children to be exposed to those activities.
For instance
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, there are a wide variety of movies, video games, and
TV
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 programs that display people attacking each other, leading some children to normalize those acts in their interactions with others.
Besides
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,
this
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 trend can make children become insensitive gradually. The greater their exposure to
violence
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 on
TV
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, the less sympathy they have for others.
Additionally
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, it is commonly believed that the
media
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also
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 promotes
violence
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 through glamorization. To be more precise, characters portrayed as heroes in movies and
TV
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 series often resort to violent actions to solve problems, achieve goals, or gain dominance, creating an overwhelming impression that
violence
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 is necessary and justified.
For example
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, research has detected that teenagers who watched extensive hours of violent
TV
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 shows associated with heroism were more likely to exhibit higher levels of aggressive behaviour when they became adults. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the
media
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,
such
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 as
TV
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 programs and video games, promote violent actions in society,
due to
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 the fact that they encourage people to behave aggressively,
as well as
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 normalizing brutality.
Submitted by Nastaran_zandy on

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task achievement
While your essay is well-organized and presents a clear point of view, consider providing a counter-argument to address differing perspectives. This will help to strengthen your position and show a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from more varied sentence structures and transitional phrases to ensure smooth flow between ideas. Diversifying your language will help to maintain the reader's interest and improve overall readability.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by providing relevant reasons and examples to support the argument that media violence promotes societal violence.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with clear progression through introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points in the body paragraphs are well-supported with specific examples, such as the impact of violent TV shows on the behavior of teenagers.
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